Easy — just wear a lab coat over your Ten Commandments inspired fetish cult outfit.

scene from Revenge of the Living Monolith (Michelinie, Silvestri)

First, impatience.	Second, irritability.
Third, confusion.	Fourth, delusions of grandeur.
And finally, catatonia.

The treatment is positively medieval: trepanation. Basically, the doctors are drilling a hole in the skull to let the bad influences out. Sure, they coach it in terms like “scalpel rays” and “remove the pressure”, but don’t let that fool you — the doctors of this “great medical foundation” of the future are proposing a treatment for Sun Boy right out of prehistoric times.

Of course it could be worse, Sun Boy could be space crazy..

Fore some reason, this ad always makes me think of the awesome Happy Fun Ball.

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Here are couple of more modern takes on the same skit. First, Johnny Carson as Ronald Reagan:

Second, Slappy and Skippy Squirrel at Woodstock, from Animaniacs (frankly, this is only Slappy sketch I could stand. I never really liked that character, nor the pigeon Goodfeathers)

In issues #11 and 12, Master Man and Warrior Woman (the Nazi versions of Captain America) were reborn using some of the Human Torch’s blood (good stuff, that android blood). Namor, who was visiting Germany at the time, tried to stop them but was captured. His cousin Namorita flew off to get help and, ending up in England, encountered Jacqueline Crichton (nee Falsworth). She recruited Union Jack and the three of them headed off to Germany to rescue Namor and the Human Torch.

In the end, Master Man, Warrior Woman, their neo-Nazi gang, and the German scientist who had resurrected them were all defeated, but Jacqueline was gravely wounded in the battle. To save her life, the Human Torch hooked her and himself up to the German transfusion machine, and once more, transfused his blood into Jacqueline. Just like before, the Torch’s blood saved her life and (re-)awakened her speed powers. But it did more this time: it de-aged her back to age 16. (I don’t know if Spitfire has continued to age from 16, as she certainly appears older than that in recent comics, or if the powers-that-be decided that a 16 year-old Spitfire was a little too Lolita, so decided she was just better off as a twenty-something). Some technobabble (courtesy of John Byrne and Hank Pym) was used to explain this all away, but it wasn’t even very good technobabble as the writer seems to give up halfway through.

During the events of The Invaders #9, Jacqueline Falsworth was attacked by the vampire Baron Blood — who also just happened to be her uncle, long thought deceased. He drained her blood in order to turn her into a vampire, in part to get revenge on the Falsworth family, but also because he wanted an undead consort¹. The Invaders arrived in time to stop Baron Blood, but Jacqueline had lost a tremendous amount of blood and was in grave danger. She was rushed to the nearest hospital in Invaders #11 ².

The doctors hurried Jacqueline to surgery and were amazed that she sustained that much blood loss from such tiny wounds³. Testing reveals that she has a strange substance in her blood that constantly changed her blood type. This makes transfusion a challenge, and the head doctor laments that Jacqueline cannot receive blood transfusions of any type, even type O⁴.

The Human Torch⁵ enters the operating room and volunteers his own blood; he tells the doctors that he is a true universal donor⁶. The doctors immediately agree⁷ and hook the Torch up to the transfusion equipment.

Jacqueline survives despite her tremendous blood loss, thanks to the incredible amount of blood donated by the Human Torch⁸. Other than merely saving her life, the Human Torch’s android blood somehow combined with the vampire proteins of Baron Blood that were already in her system to grant her super speed⁹, powers she used to become the super-heroine Spitfire.

5. This is the original Human Torch, an android. Not the Human Torch who is a member of the Fantastic Four.
6. The last time the Human Torch gave blood, it was described as “live fire” and required asbestos tubing. I guess he’s mellowed out since then.
7. Apparently, the doctors just take his word for it since they don’t run any tests on him.
8. If the Human Torch’s blood is that good, and he can produce so much of it, surely he could save more lives by donating it to blood blanks than by acting as a super-hero. There are other super-heroes to fill in on the Invaders, but only one blood producing android.
9. For those keeping track at home, like all previous super power giving transfusions, this was a whole blood transfusion (as much as androids have “whole blood”).

Scene from Invaders #14 by Roy Thomas and Frank Robbins

They shot innocent doctors who were just trying to help.

(I’ve got nothing against policeman; I respect the job they’re doing. However, I am annoyed at some of my idiot sown-the-street neighbors who continue to shoot off bottle rockets all night long. First, Independence Day was three days ago. Second, they’re illegal in this state. Third, you’re waking up the baby. And fourth, I’m sick and tired of finding dozens of spent bottle rockets littering the neighborhood’s yards every morning).

Back to the PSA — I am wondering how Timmy managed to get himself locked in the grocery store. A town with residents like that certainly needs a nice — and patient — policeman.

This public service ad was provided to me by H, who found it in Adventure Comics #347. It can be found in other DC comics from August 1966 as well. The script is by Jack Schiff (like always) with art by Sheldon Moldoff.

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In this scene from Flash #100 (the conclusion of the excellent Terminal Velocity storyline), Jesse Quick is telling Jay Garrick about her sidelining injury. As a bonus, I’ve thrown in a view of the actual injury from the previous issue.

What’s wrong with this scene?

(This one’s easy, so no hints…well, except for the one I’ve already given…)

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