Godawful Comics

In my years of reading comics, I’ve read my share of bad comics, and sometimes really bad comics.

Rarely, however, have I found a comic so bad that I find myself needing to burn it until nothing remains but ashes, then bury those ashes and salt the earth afterwards. That is a Godwaful Comic. These are the comics that companies should be ashamed of publishing. They should apologize to their readers and pay us money for having suffered through them. These are the comics that all but guarantee that I will never purchase any title involving those responsible ever again.

I used to stumble upon these books maybe once every two or three years. Sadly (and painfully), I have encountered two of these comics recently. Both have been from DC, and both have been part of the “One Year Later” storylines.

Battle for Bludhaven #5 has, without a doubt, the worst art that I have ever had the misfortune of experiencing in an (allegedly) professionally published comic. At what point does the editor have the responsibilty to say, “Stop! This sucks! Do it over!” It’s not like this is Civil War — it’s not like anyone was waiting with bated breath for this comic. If if had come out a month or two late, I doubt anyone would have noticed, and I sure whould have appreciated it. Of course, the story would have still been terrible, but at least the art wouldn’t require me to claw my eyes out anymore.

Nightwing #122. I’m not sure I can put the sheer horribleness of this comic into words. Just let me highight (or low-light) a few key moments.

  • The repeated mentions of “Cleveland” as if it has some deep meaning. This might have been effective had it been brought up from the beginnig of the storyline, but to abruptly and awkwardly inject it into the “climactic” fight scene? It was unbelievably awkward and halted the momentum every time it occurred.
  • The deus ex machina of having Jason Todd suddenly turn into a bizarre monster that swallows and then regurgitates his opponent. Where the hell did that come from? And why? Just having a random meteorite fall from the heavens and crush the bad guy would have been more logical, believable, and been less insulting to the reader.
  • Jason Todd saying “so long good-bye” by telegraph. After nearly two years of Jason Todd being a focus of the Bat-Books, he just suddenly decides to leave and announces it, not in person, but by a technology that was abandoned two years ago amid multiple news reports discussing the demise of the telegraph.
  • Ending the book on a stupid pun/joke. This isn’t Scooby Doo — though that clearly was the comic I should have bought.

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Your Weekend Moment of Psychic Nosebleed Zen

Continuing proof that the use or resistance of mental powers causes nosebleeds.

A giant Arabian cat with a nosebleed -- not sure if it is scary or pitiful
The Circle member Prana tries to invade the mind of Superman
From Adventures of Superman #427 (Wolfrman, Ordway)

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Your Weekend Moment of Psychic Nosebleed Zen, part 2

Continuing proof that the use or resistance of mental powers causes nosebleeds.

Sorry, Anne
The Reverend Stryker’s assistant Anne learns the unfortunate truth about her genes (unfortunate for her, anyway).
One of the defining moments from the classic Marvel Graphic Novel God Loves, Man Kills (Claremont, Anderson)

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The New Fantastic Four Cartoon

Saturday night, the Cartoon Network aired the first episode of a new Fantastic Four cartoon. So how was it? I’d say it was the same quality as Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends. As a ten year old, it was great, but as an adult, not so good. Same here.

I know I complained two years ago about the Justice League Unlimited theme music; well, this is much, much worse. In many ways it reminded me of the X-Men cartoon theme music, just with less melody. Apparently Marvel believes that anyone with a $100 Casio keyboard and a drum machine can write cartoon theme music.

For the most part, the art and animation were uninspired. This was particularly evident in the characters. Reed looked unkempt and chunky and the distinguidhed white streaks in his hair don’t look distinguished, just goofy. Sue and Johnny looked overly angular, like refugees from Aeon Flux. It wasn’t all bad: the Thing looked very good (and the villain Ronan looked appropriately menacing as well).

The characterizations made me wonder how familiar the writers were with the comic Reed was unsure of himself most of the time. Not around Sue — like in the movie — but around science and technology. That’s about as far from Reed Richards as you can get. I had high hopes for Sue, especially when she was introduced as “The Invisible Woman,” but then in the first scene she faints dead away when Johnny’s in danger. So much for progress. Johnny’s character is not that out of place: thrill-loving hot head with a heart of gold. The best characterization is the Thing — the writers have him down well.

The plot was your average hackneyed Saturday morning super hero plot. Johnny is captured by the Kree and put on trial for crimes against the Empire. As is common (if not required by law), the trial is held in a giant sealed alien dome in Central Park. We’re informed that the dome is to keep Johnny’s teammates out — but a minute later Reed is brought in as a lawyer and Ben and Sue as witnesses…so much for keeping the teammates out. It wasn’t a bad plot, but it certainly wasn’t a particularly good one (I had to laugh each time Johnny referred to the Kree as “smurfs.” First, it was kind of funny. Second, it betrays the fact that the cartoon is being produced in France because I doubt that many U.S. kids know who the Smurfs are any more).

Overall, I give the cartoon a very cautious “wait and see — and hope it gets better.” I’ll give it two more episodes.

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PSA Monday: The Key to Success

I figured I’d showcase a work related PSA today as it’s Labor Day (in the U.S. at least).

Buzzy finds the Key to Success! Click for the full page.Taking a break from his own title, Buzzy and his pal Wolfie swing by several other DC comics in this PSA from November, 1954 (Adventure #206, Detective Comics #213, and Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen #2).

Like last week, this PSA was written by Jack Schiff, though the art this time is handled by Win Mortimer.

Discussion Questions:
1. Was it a really good idea for Mr. Green to hire a kid named “Wolfie” in the first place?
2. What will this do to Wolfie and Buzzy’s friendship?
3. Did Mrs. Brown really order the sugar, or is she just taking advantage of Buzzy’s helpful nature?
4. Do you think Mr. Green filed the proper tax forms, or is he planning on paying Buzzy and Wolfie “under the table”?

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House - Episode 1 (Season Three): “Meaning”

The season premiere of the third season of House. Medical reviews and spoilers below!!

Spoiler Warning!

It’s Houses first day back at work since he was shot several months before. In the meantime, he has undergone the Ketamine treatment mentioned in last year’s season finale and no longer has pain or weakness in his leg. He arrives at the office to find that he has 3 patients to chose from. He scolds Wilson for trying to give him an easy case, and then chooses to take both of the two remaining cases.

The first patient was a young woman who was standing on her head performing yoga, when she heard something snap and found herself paralyzed. An x-ray showed no evidence of a broken neck or spinal trauma.

The initial diagnoses of Chase and Foreman were multiple sclerosis or transverse myelitis, but House finds flaws with both those suggestions. He ordered an EMG (Electromyogram — a test that checks the conductivity of muscles and nerves) but the patient flinched when the needle was inserted, suggesting that she was not paralyzed and could in fact move her legs. By holding a lighter to her foot, House showed she could feel heat as well. He discharged her suspecting she was faking. However, before she could be discharged, she developed a sudden shortness of breath. The Young Guns think she has a pleural effusion (a fluid build up around the lungs which compresses them and does not allow them to expand fully), but House noticed her distended jugular veins and realizes she had a cardiac tamponade. This is a life threatening condition that occurs when fluid builds up in the pericardium, the membranous sac that surrounds the heart. If too much fluid builds up, the heart can no longer expand properly, the volume of blood being pumped drops precipitously, and the patient goes into shock. To treat the tamponade, House plunges a needle through her chest into the sac around the heart and withdraws blood, relieving her tamponade. The differential now includes tuberculosis and vasculitis. House has a different idea: he thinks the patient has the delusion that she is paralyzed and he believes that she has a vascular tumor on her spine causing this delusion as well as her other symptoms. As she is being readied for exploratory spinal surgery, he notices that she has bled into her toenail and uses this to diagnose scurvy –- a deficiency in Vitamin C, in this case brought on by a protein heavy diet that was deficient in fruits and vegetables. This deficiency leads to a weakness in collagen which leads to spontaneous bleeding — such as into the pericardial sac and nails. Scurvy can sometimes cause a pseudoparalysis as well, so score one for House.

The second patient is a man who is eight years out from brain surgery and radiation treatment for an astrocytoma (a brain tumor). The surgery has left him just a shadow of his former self. He is essentially non-communicative, and his life consists of little more than sitting around in a motorized wheelchair. At a get together in his backyard, he drives his wheelchair purposefully into the pool and nearly drowns.

House takes the case to prove he can handle difficult cases — not difficult from the medical point of view, but difficult in terms of human interaction. By the end, he has started to view it as one of his typical challenges and tries to find what other doctors have missed over the years. After a sudden revelation while running, House decides that the patient has hypothalamic dysregulation brought about by scar tissue from his brain surgery. The hypothalamus controls the thyroid gland, adrenal glands, ovaries and testes, and a malfunctioning hypothalamus can lead to a whole host of problems including difficulties with appetite, growth, and body temperature. House suspects the patient drove into the pool because it was the only means he had to cool himself off from the persistent high temperature caused by his hypothalamic dysfunction. Furthermore, House suspects the patient’s main problem is that because of the malfunctioning hypothalamus, his adrenal glands are no longer producing enough of the hormone cortisol. This is known as Addison’s Disease, and House believes it is the underlying cause of many of the patient’s problems. He wants to give the patient a shot of cortisol to see if he’ll improve, but Cuddy vetoes the idea. After some soul searching, House accepts her reasoning. Cuddy, however, decides to see it House is right and injects the patient with cortisol. Within a few minutes he miraculously improves. Cuddy wants to tell House the results, but Wilson tells her not to, noting that House was just guessing and got lucky and the next time he might kill someone with one of his guesses. Score two for House.

For the most part, the medicine was clever and appropriate this episode. I’ll make my usual comments about the Young Guns performing tests they’re not trained to do, but at least they weren’t performing the surgery this week. I have two small complaints regarding the first patient. The first is that the team was a little too quick in assigning her shortness of breath to a pleural effusion (I suspect this was to give House a chance to have a needle in his hand) — a pulmonary embolism (a clot in the lungs) would have fit the scenario better and would have been my first suspicion. My second complaint is that House was a little too cavalier about plunging a needle in the patient’s chest. That’s not an area you want to be messing around with unnecessarily. Too deep (which it looked to me like he was) and you’ll draw blood from within the heart chamber, and not the pericardial sac. A little bit off on either side and you’re in the heart tissue — never healthy for the patient. I did think it was clever that he noticed the distended jugular veins. As soon as I saw them, I started yelling “She has a cardiac tamponade” at the TV. I think that was about the time my wife decided to move down to the other end of the couch.

I have little to say about the last patient. It was just so much of a shot in the dark that happened to be right. The patient’s symptoms and tests really did not match the diagnosis much — House just had a hunch that happened to be right. Of course, that was the whole point of the scenario, so I’m fine with it. OK, I have to make one complaint: the patient got better way too quickly and was standing incredibly well for someone who hasn’t used their legs in eight years and just had tendon surgery done.

The soap opera aspects were good, though I think the writers are still trying to feel out the new status quo. Everybody seemed to be acting a little tentatively. It also seems that while House was out for the summer, everybody had time to find a backbone — except Chase, that is.

I give this episode a B+ for the mysteries with an A- for the solutions and B+ for the medicine overall — a solid episode medically. The soap opera earns only a B because it seems the characters are still finding their way in this new season.

previous House reviewsA list of all previous House reviews

UPDATE: One last nit-pick. At the end of episode, House sneaks into Wilson’s office and writes himself a prescription for Vicodin, forging Wilson’s signature. I wasn’t able to get a good look at the script, but Brent was kind enough to send me a vidcap. It shows that House has written a prescription for “Vicodin ES 5-500″. Now the standard dose of Vicodin is 5MG Hydrocodone + 500MG Acetaminophen, but Vicodin ES is 7.5/750, so there is no “Vicodin ES 5-500″. As Brent points out, House of all people should know better.

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Two Aren’t Really Better Than One

Iceman in the hospital
Iceman in the hospital from Ultimate X-Men #18
(Words by Mark Millar, Art by Adam Kubert
)

If Iceman is intubated with a endotracheal tube (breathing tube) down his trachea [yellow arrow], why does he need a nasal canula (and an incorrectly drawn one at that) [red arrow]?

To further nit-pick, what’s with the electrode on the side of his neck? Whatever flaws Adam Kubert’s medical drawing might have, at least he’s showing respect for the history of comics books with the addition of some kind of Kirby-machine on Iceman’s chest and what can only be the 1960’s TV show Batcave computer in the background.

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Ultimate Spider-Man #98: A Medical Review

Ultimate Spider-Man #98 “Clone Sage, Part 2”
Brian Bendis, writer
Mark Bagley, artist

chimpanzee This is a chimpanzee (Pan troglodytes). It is a member of the family Hominidae and lives in the wild in Africa. According to a recent study, chimpanzee DNA is 95% identical to human DNA.
Peter Parker's clone This is a clone of Peter Parker. According to Reed Richards, the clone’s DNA is 94.2% identical to that of the original Peter Parker.

So in terms of DNA, the chimpanzee is closer to human than the clone.

The fact is that any two random people in the world have DNA that is 99.9% identical. One would expect the DNA correlation between a clone and its source — even for an imperfect clone — to be much greater than average, along the order of 99.999% or higher.

As I see there are several ways to explain this discrepancy.

  1. Reed Richards instruments and fancy computers are wrong. (Never trust the low bidder.)
  2. Science is wrong. (Damn! Four years of college and four years of med school down the drain.)
  3. Writer error. (Has been known to happen on occasion.)
  4. The clone’s DNA is not entirely human. This one seems the most likely to me and some of Reed’s dialogue supports it (“This scorpion clone of yours — his blood has some oddities”). Of course, if this were the case, one would have expected Reed to notice the non-human DNA (but then again, I would also expect him to notice the 94.2% vs. 99.9% discrepancy).

Topic suggested by Oliver T.

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Star Trek and Depression

In honor of Star Trek’s 40th Anniversay this weekend, I’m reposting this “Polite Dissent Classic” — from my fourth week of blogging — that proves that Star Trek can cure depression.

True Tales of Medical School: Live Long and Prosper

It was a late fall Monday, during my third year of medical school. I had just finished a horrifically boring month of Geriatric Psychiatry at the VA hospital, and now was doing a month of Adult Psychiatry at the local psychiatric hospital. It was a locked ward, and every day we had to be buzzed in to the unit, and be buzzed out at the end of the day.
There were three medical students working the ward. We each took turns taking new patients when they were admitted and working them up. It was my turn to work up a new patient that had been brought in Sunday night.
The senior resident handed me the patient’s folder. It was a thin folder, suggesting that this was her first stay at the hospital – generally a good sign. The resident quickly dashed that hope.
“Mrs. D was brought to the ER last night for severe depression. There was no suicide attempt; her family was worried because she was staying in bed and not willing to move for the past week. Since being brought to the ward last night, she hasn’t moved at all; she’s just lay in bed staring at the ceiling.” She smiled a crooked smile at me. “Good luck.”
I looked through her chart and ER notes. There was nothing particularly alarming or interesting. She had been on outpatient treatment for depression on and off for about five years. No suicide attempts. No significant medical or family history. She was divorced with two teen-aged children.
I walked to her room, the last door on the left, opened it up and looked in. The room was dark, and a large woman was lying unmoving on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Her breathing was slow and steady and she did not seem to be in any kind of distress. I knocked and entered the room.
“Hello, ma’am. I’m the medical student, Scott. How are you doing today?”
There was no response. Not even a twitch of muscle or a flicker of eyelids.
I pulled a chair next to the head of the bed and sat down. I tried again, “Are you in any discomfort? Is there anything I can do?”
There was no change. She continued lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.
I pulled out the history form, and asked the first question. “How long have you been feeling depressed?”
No answer. No movement. It was like trying to talk to a brick wall. It was time to try a different tack.
“Tell me about your children. How old are they?”
This time there was a brief twitch of the eyes, but no other movement.
“Are you and your children getting ready for Thanksgiving?”
There was another eye twitch, but nothing else. Clearly, she could hear and probably respond, but was choosing not to.
“You were brought to the ER last night,” I said, getting no response. “So you missed Star Trek, then.” This was Star Trek the Next Generation’s last season, and it was shown on Sunday nights in St. Louis.
Her eyes opened, and she turned her head my way. “Why? Did I miss anything important?” she asked. I laughed, and we spent the next hour talking about Star Trek.

Once up and out of bed, she recovered quickly and was home by the end of the week. We established a good rapport, and had many long talks. I was glad to see her get to go home, but also sad, because she was one of the few bright spots in an otherwise dreary rotation.

There was an important lesson to be learned: Where standard dialogue had failed, where even family concerns were not enough, Star Trek had triumphed.

Other True Tales of Medical SchoolMy other “True Tales of Medical School”

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Busy Weekend

In addition to working in the clinic and being on call this weekend, I signed up for a local biathalon (a run and bike one, not a ski and shoot one) several months ago and it happened to be this morning. Let me just say that I have a drastically different definition of “gently rolling hills” than the planners of the course. I’m also chafed in areas no person should ever be chafed (someday I’ll find a pair of bicycling shorts that I can run comfortably for fiver or more miles).

Thus, no time for psychic nosebleeds this weekend, but don’t worry, I’ve got some good ones for next weekend.

PSA Monday: The Amazing Spider-Man — Double Trouble!

cover, The Amazing Spider-Man: Double TroubleThe Amazing Spider-Man: Double Trouble is the second in a series of Canadian anti-drug PSA comics that were later published in the U.S. for $1.50 each. This issue is once again written by Dwayne McDuffie, but penciled this time by Herb Trimpe.

In the first issue, (The Amazing Spider-Man: Skating On Thin Ice!)Spider-Man managed to track Electro’s drug operation to Canada. Peter Parker then convinced J. Jonah Jameson to send him to Canada to cover a science fair. Arriving in Winnipeg, Peter Parker meets science fair winner Beth. He encounters Electro again and manages to convince one of the kids of Beth’s hockey team to stay off drugs.

In the issue, the action has moved to Fredericton for the next big science fair. Beth is there representing Winnipeg, as well as her friend Charlie, who was also a science fair winner in Winnipeg. Spider-Man isn’t the only Unites States national in Canada interested in the science fair; there’s also the Chameleon, who suspects that Beth’s revolutionary science fair project could be worth several hundred thousand dollars* to the right buyer.

Charlie gives up drugsThe Chameleon breaks into Beth’s room but can’t find her notes. He then disguises himself as a teenage boy and befriends Beth and Charlie. The Chameleon discovers Charlie has a drug problem and offers him more drugs if he can get Beth’s notes. Beth walks in on Charlie tearing apart her room and discovers his drug problem. She throws him out. Later, Spider-Man shows up at her window and tells her that he needs her notes for a “dire emergency.” She gives him her notes, but as you’ve probably already guessed, this isn’t the authentic Spider-Man — but instead the Chameleon disguised as Spider-Man. The real Spider-Man chases the fake Spider-Man and manages to recover Beth’s notes, but the Chameleon escapes. Spider-Man returns Beth’s notes, but not before giving both her and Charlie a lecture about drugs.

The next day is the big science fair. Disguised as a judge, the Chameleon manages for the second time to grab Beth’s notes. Spider-Man sees through his disguise and webs him up, but the Chameleon sets off a trap. Somehow, he has managed to turn all the science fair projects into killer robots. In the end, Spider-Man saves the bystanders and Charlie gives up drugs. A happy ending, even if we never find out who won the science fair.

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House - Episode 2 (Season Three): “Cane and Able”

While the ultimate solution was clever, I felt the medicine was poor over all and a step back from last week’s show — medically, at least. Medical explanations and spoilers follow.

Spoiler Warning!

A seven year-old boy named Clancy has repeated nightmares that he is being abducted by aliens. One morning, his parents find him unconscious in the yard, his pajamas soiled from rectal bleeding. Clancy is brought to the hospital and placed under the care of House and team. Other than the hallucinations, Clancy’s only medical history is that he was conceived by in vitro fertilization (IVF), wears glasses for poor vision, and broke his arm when he was four. The team’s first thought is sexual abuse and the “alien abduction” story is just his way of coping with it, but no evidence was found on exam of sexual abuse. The team also thinks that he might have a bleeding disorder and that would explain the rectal bleeding. Foreman (as always) suspects a neurological cause while House suspects the alien hallucinations are nothing more than nightmares. Coagulation studies to look for a bleeding disorder are ordered, as are an EGD and a colonoscopy to look for sources of gastrointestinal bleeding.

The EGD and colonoscopy are all normal, as are the coagulation studies including a bleeding time (an old fashioned test rarely used any more) run by Chase. When Foreman repeats the test, it is abnormal and shows a bleeding disorder.

That night, Clancy runs away from his hospital room and Chase finds him in the bathroom, cutting into the back of his own neck to dig out the alien chip that he thinks is there. There is a small piece of titanium there — but Chase also notices that despite the improvised surgery, Clancy is not bleeding abnormally, so maybe Chase’s test was correct after all. The small piece of titanium is thought to come from a surgical pin used to fix Clancy’s broken arm several years before.

Chase returns to draw more blood and Clancy starts to hallucinate the Chase is an alien. He goes into a hypertensive crisis (a dangerously high blood pressure) and develops pulmonary edema (fluid building up in his lungs). Chase starts him on oxygen and sodium nitroprusside, a strong medication to bring the blood pressure down. About this time one of the blood tests shows that Clancy seems to have von Willebrand’s disease, a clotting disorder. To determine why Clancy went into a hypertensive crisis, a transesophageal echocardiogram is obtained (an ultrasound of the heart shot from inside the throat. It gives a better view of the heart valves than a normal echocardiogram) and it looks normal at first. However, when House puts it on a larger screen he notices a small area of the heart that is not beating. These abnormal myocytes (muscle cells) are removed. The Young Guns (for some reason) DNA type these abnormal cells and notice that they have different DNA than Clancy’s normal cells. Different theories are discussed about why parts of Clancy would have abnormal DNA — you’ll notice that the team is mentioning things that can mutate DNA one or two genes at a time, but not cause the wholesale difference in DNA noted here. Cameron concocts a marker for these abnormal cells and injects this marker into Clancy’s body. Hot spots in the thigh bone marrow, heart, and retina appear. The team decides the bone marrow cells are to blame for the bleeding disorder, the heart cells for the hypertensive crisis, and the retinal cells for Clancy’s poor vision. All of the abnormal cells are removed.

A short time later, Clancy suffers a hallucination and seizure. House is convinced that there must be another focus of abnormal cells in Clancy’s brain, but the marker tests didn’t show any hot spots, even when they injected directly into the cerebrospinal fluid. House suggests that the marker must not work on these abnormal brain cells so he decides to perform brain surgery. Once Clancy’s brain is exposed, House will stimulate a hallucination so he can determine which area in the brain is abnormal and then remove those cells. The surgery — despite the fact that House is not a neurosurgeon — is successful. The ultimate diagnosis is that Clancy is a chimera, which means that he is a combination of two cell lines. In other words, when he was just a tiny embryo, he merged with a twin’s embryo and all that remains of his genetically different twin were those few isolated areas of abnormal (and now removed) cells.


First, the good:

  • Chimeras are real. Some experts suspect that they are more common than we realize because only rarely do we test cells for DNA. The in-vitro fertilization aspect seen in this epidose is really just a red herring as chimerism has nothing to do with IVF and chimerism can occur with non-IVF embryos just as easily.
  • Chimerism does pop up in the news now and again. American pro cyclist Tyler Hamilton was banned from competitive cycling last year on suspicion of blood doping (blood cells that weren’t his were found in his blood sample). His defense is that he is really a chimera and this is a normal blood test for him.

Now the bad:

  • VonWillebrand’s disease is a clotting disorder caused by the lack of a protein known as the von Willebrand factor (or by an abnormal version of this protein). If only one small portion of Clancy’s bone marrow is producing platelets with missing vWF (or with abnormal vWF), it is doubtful that would be enough to affect his bleeding at all. At most, it might extend his bleeding time a few seconds; it certainly wouldn’t cause intermittent clotting problems because the abnormal platelets are always circulating throughout the entire body.
  • Human DNA codes for over 25,000 different genes. How is Cameron going to know which of these are producing proteins different from Clancy’s, let alone happen to be proteins conveniently located on the cell wall? Not to mention that she is able to produce this miraculous cell marker overnight.
  • That’s a mighty clear echocardiogram. Furthermore, increasing the size of the screen doesn’t increase the resolution — that remains the same — you just get bigger and blockier pixels.
  • I know some of you think that I complain too much about the Young Guns performing tests they’re not trained to do (like the transesophageal echo this episode), but even you have to admit that House performing brain surgery was beyond the pale.

The character interaction and soap opera was better this week and didn’t feel as clumsy as the season premiere. Both Wilson and Foreman were taking their digs against House, though both knew he was right. Cuddy hemmed and hawed and finally told House the truth. Of course, House’s leg pain seems to be coming back – but is it real or all in his mind. (And don’t ask me about the PET scan of the thalamus Cuddy wants to do. The thalamus is involved in pain reception, but the tests aren’t nearly as clear cut as she would like. Plus they’re damned expensive.)

I give the medical mystery a B and the ultimate solution a B+ for being clever and not too uncommon. On the other hand, I give the medicine it took to reach the solution a miserable D. The soap opera earns a B+ this week because it was much better than last week.

previous House reviewsThe previous House review
previous House reviewsA list of all prior House reviews

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Animal Man and Anthrax

I’m going to take an evening to look back at the beginning of Grant Morrison’s memorable run on Animal Man.

In Animal Man #1-4, writer Grant Morrison tackles anthrax. Animal Man has been hired by STAR Labs to track down a stolen ape that was used for experiments and the man who stole it. It turns out that the ape in question was being used for experiments with anthrax.

Anthrax is a disease caused by Bacillus anthracis, a rod shaped bacteria. When exposed to harsh conditions, the bacteria forms a spore that can survive for decades. When this spore enters an animal or human body, it rapidly comes to life and begins reproducing and pumping out potent toxins. Thankfully, anthrax is a rare disease is humans, though it has become notorious for its potential as a biological warfare agent.

Doctor Myers: Are you familiar with the symptoms of anthrax, Animal Man? They’re very unpleasant. It usually begins with a red swelling at the site where the bacillus gains entry into the body — This is followed by listlessness, headaches, ulcers, internal bleeding, convulsions, septicemia — and ultimately of course — death.

The doctor seems to be confusing the different types of anthrax infections. Cutaneous Anthrax is the most common type. It occurs when anthrax bacilli or spores get into a cut in the skin. Within twenty four hours,o a raised bump develops on the skin that looks like an insect bite. Over the next 48 hours, this bump develops into a large painless ulcer with a black center. Untreated, cutaneous anthrax can sometimes spread to the rest of the body through the bloodstream. It is fatal 20% of the time unless antibiotics are used, in which case it is almost always treatable.
Inhalation Anthrax is the most dangerous and the most lethal. It is caused by inhalation of anthrax spores. Early symptoms are similar to a bad cold. Later symptoms include severe respiratory distress, shock, and death. If caught early (before the symptoms appear), it can be treated with antibiotics. If treatment is delayed, inhalational anthrax is almost always fatal.
Gastrointestinal Anthrax is caused by eating meat contaminated with anthrax. It causes nausea, vomiting, fever, severe abdominal pain, inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract, bloody vomiting, and severe diarrhea. Untreated, it is fatal about half the time.

Doctor Myers: It’s highly contagious and any other living creatures coming into contact with the man or the ape are in very serious danger. Given the right condtions, the entire state of California could be unihabitable within weeks.

More confusion from Dr. Myers: anthrax is not spread from person to person. Infection occurs from direct exposure, inhalation, or ingestion of the anthrax spore, not from contact with an infected person.


Towards the end of the story, Animal Man confronts B’wana Beast, who is dying of anthrax. Animal Man uses B’wana Beast’s own powers to fuse several different types of infection fighting cells together.

Animal Man: And I combined his body’s own polymorphs and macrophages, creating super-powerful defense cells which began to attack and destroy the invading anthrax virus [sic].

Polymorphs (also known as polymorphonuclear cells or PMNs) are a type of white blood cells. There are three varieties of PMN, the most common of which is the neutrophil , which also happens to be the most common white blood cell in the body. The neutrophil is an infection fighting cell and travels quickly to the site of an infection. Once there, it ingests and then destroys the invading germs — and itself in the process. It doesn’t have a long life span, just a few hours. Think of the neutrophil as a kind of white blood cell shock troop: fast and brutally efficient, but with little finesse.

The macrophage is a large white blood cell. Like the neutrophil, it also ingests attacking germs. Unlike the neutrophil, it is a long lived cell and can attack multiple bacteria for an extended period of time. The macrophage also serves as an “antigen presenting cell” and plays a key role in the body’s production of antibodies against the invading germs.

While the neutrophil and macrophage are both types of white blood cells that ingest attacking germs they both carry out vastly different roles. The neutrophil has evolved to die quickly in a blaze of glory, while the macrophage is a long lived cell that helps the body improve its own defenses. This is why I’m not convinced that merging them into a super cell would accomplish anything worthwhile…but I can’t say for sure that it wouldn’t work, so I’ll give Morrison the benefit of the doubt (but I’ll still remain highly skeptical).


There is certainly some confusion in the story about the time course and symptoms of an anthrax infection. There are also mistakes regarding how contagious anthrax actually is. Bear in mind that the the story is concerned with a specially engineered form of anthrax designed for biological warfare and this “modified anthrax” can be used as an excuse for the discrepancies.

However, calling anthrax a virus (which Morrison does repeatedly throughout the story). That can’t be explained away so easily.


Previous Examinations of Comic Book Biological Warfare:
Avengers and Mystique“Red Zone” (Avengers #65-70) and “Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy” (Mystique #7-10)
Batman/Nightwing: BloodborneBatman/Nightwing: Bloodborne

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Paperwork

There are days when the bane of my existence is insurance companies. Today was one of those days.

Six requests demands for prior authorization for medication today. This means that the insurance companies have decided with their infinite wisdom that the medications which I carefully chose, given the whole of my patients’ situations, were not the proper choices, and that they, the insurance companies, who have never actually seen the patients let alone examined them, know better. I understand that the goal of the insurance companies is to make money. I also understand there are doctors who prescribe only the latest most expensive drugs all the time. I am not one of those doctors. The drugs I select are chosen for a reason — they’re the best option for my patient. The overwhelming majority of the time they are generic drugs, but occasionally, that-s not an option. My prescription costs are among the lowest in the state. I frankly do not appreciate some corporate flack denying my patient the best therapy without even taking the time to review the patient’s chart (let alone, you know, gaining some actual medical education). Thanks to hard work by my nurse, all six authorizations were obtained and the patients received the medications I requested, but at a cost of over four hours of repeated phone calls and faxes. What makes it even more frustrating is that three of the authorizations were for drugs the insurance companies did not realize had been generic for the better part of a year and met their published guidelines; they were being refused based on old information.

Meanwhile, a “helpful” letter from an insurance agency arrived telling me that my patient was on two drugs of the same class. A quick look at the information let me know that Drug A ran out at the end of April and Drug B was started at the beginning of May. Therefore, the patient was never on the drugs at the same time and it is clear they were switched from Drug A to B. Furthermore, the records provided by the insurance company clearly show that I did not prescribe these medications. The drugs in question were in fact prescribed by the patient’s cardiologist. After perusing the letter, the insurance company now wants me to fill out a form and mail it back to them stating how I used the information in the letter. There are a series of questions with multiple-choice answers. None are realistic. For example, when asked how I will address the “overlapping” medications, they provide only two choices: 1) I have already stopped the medications, or 2) I will call the patient or see them in my office and then stop the medications. Nowhere is there any option for me to inform the insurance company that A) there is no overlap, B) I did not prescribe these medications — a specialist did, and C) even if there were an overlap, I trust the cardiologist’s decisions because she’s the best in the town. At then end of the form is a question inquiring whether I find this information helpful. I always check the “No” box (really, really heavily). Repeat this most days of the week, sometimes two or three letters a day. One of these mornings, I may lose my polite veneer and scribble my real thoughts on the page before I send it back.

And politicians wonder why are fewer and fewer physicians going into primary care.

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July and August Searches

Time for the bi-monthly post where take a few minutes tolook back at what internet searches brought people to Polite Dissent for July and August. Mostly rather bland searches this time, but then I’m not sure anything will top May and June’s intravenous pumpkins. As always, there were plenty of searches for She-Hulk, Hawk, Dove, Dave Trampier, Wormy, and B’wana Beast. Plenty of House questions too. Then there were the usual searches for sex pictures involving any combination of the following: the Teen Titans (Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy — but no love for Raven), Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Danny Phantom, and/or Tanith Belbin.

Capitalization has been added to make the searches more readable, but the grammar and spelling are untouched otherwise to give the true flavor. My thoughts are added in green.

Vaguely Medical Searches

  • Tiniest bacteria serratia Sounds like a title of a children’s book. [information on Serratia]
  • Difference between the circumcision done by a quack doctor and medical doctor? Is this really a question you need to ask?
  • Can a blow stop the heart rhythm instantly? Yes, under the right conditions, when the timing of the heart cycle is just right and a blow lands in the right place. This is known as Commotio Cordis and is thought to cause 2-3 deahts per year in Little League baseball.[more information on commotio cordis]
  • Kissing fishes skin cure No idea here.
  • If you don t test for it you don t have to treat it house of god The actual quote is: “If you don’t take a temperature, you can’t find a fever” and it is Law X from the back of House of God.
  • mystery painful rash secreting string You’re probably thinking about Morgellons. [wikipedia entry on Morgellon’s Disease]

Supposedly Comic Book Searches

  • XY the last man close.
  • John Byrne pregnant I doubt it
  • Women in the freezer comics Another example of being close but not quite right
  • Senseless comics involving the devil Are there any other kind?

Miscellaneous Seaches

  • Give me at least 3 valedictorian addressed I don’t know which is more disturbing, that someone is plagiarizing valedictorian speeches, or that they can’t spell “addresses” right. Or maybe it’s just somebody who’s looking for the home addresses of smart people so he can beat them up…
  • Hats Somebody searches the internet for “hats”? And found my site? (Several times too, according to the logs).
  • How do you spell polite? Just like that.
  • I have telescopic vision Good for you.

Adventures in Spelling (presented with few comments)

  • Cot having sex on tape
  • 37 weeks pregnant cervix is thinning and pressure in Virginia
  • Ohno Cryten birth control I assume they meant “Ortho Cyclen” but “Ohno Cryten” evokes much better imagery.

Fan Fiction Want List (presented without comment)

  • Airwolf fan fiction
  • Fanfiction kim possible giving birth
  • Fanfiction kim possible vomit
  • Extreme Justice fan fiction

And Last but not Least, the I-Really-Don’t-Want-To-Know Seaches (also presented without comment)

  • How can i sudues my sister
  • Woman groin picture without obstacle

Your Weekend Moment of Super-hero Nosebleed Zen - Sue Storm edition

Continuing my effort to warn the world about the danger of nose bleeds with the use of super powers.

scene from Ultimate Fantastic Four #9
Sue Storm,
comic book version
scene from the Fantastic Four movie
Sue Storm,
Hollywood version

Comic book panel from Ultimate Fantastic Four #9, art by Stuart Immonen

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Dr. Id

cover, Dr. Id ashcan comicThere’s a small press comic coming out next month that I think everyone will enjoy (well, at least everyone who reads this site). The name alone should tell you why I like the comic: Dr. Id, Psychologist of the Supernatural.

The comic purports to collect and “reprint” some of Dr. Id’s stories originally published by Wondrous Comics back in the 1970s. Surely you can’t have forgotten those classic comics Wondrous published such as Law and Disorders, Amazing Analysis, Psychological Thrills, and Reward and Punishment (my personal favorite). In each story, Dr. Id tackles some of the toughest psychological conundrums modern society can muster.

The comic convincingly replicates the feel of the comics of the late ’60s and early ’70s. The art fits the stories and the era well, and there is an unmistakable feel of Kirby and Ditko in many of the pages. The stories work on several levels: as straight-forward adventure stories, as an homage to early Marvel-style tales, and as a send up as pop psychology. Plus it’s funny.

More sample pages are available on the Dr. Id website, plus the comic can be ordered from there as well if your local comic shop doesn’t carry it come October.

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PSA Monday: Superman says “People are People”

Sadly, this PSA is not about Superman jamming to some Depeche Mode. However, now that I think about it, this PSA is actually far superior to the song, for while it deals with much the same theme, it adds circus lions and conveniently located chairs. Beat that Martin Gore!

Superman says 'People are People!' Click for the full page.
Click on the image for the full PSA ad

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Talk Like a Pirate Day 2006

cover, Little Max #23

Once again it’s time for my favorite holiday of the year: Talk Like A Pirate Day!
Being the good buccaneer that I am, I looted last year’s post (which was itself plundered from the year before that), and I’m reposting and updating it — and new additions are always welcome!

Comic-book pirates (and pirate comic books) off the top of me head (to be updated as I think of more):

  • Crossbones
  • The Psycho Pirate
  • Occulus from Fantastic Four
  • And in the Fantastic Four’s first encounter with Dr. Doom (FF #5), The Thing ended up becoming Blackbeard.
  • Pirate Club
  • The evil pirates from My Monkey’s Name is Jennifer
  • The Starjammers
  • The hilarious Scurvy Dogs (”The cow says moo…”)
  • The abandoned Barbarossa and the Lost Corsairs
  • El Cazador
  • Street Angel #2
  • Long John Silver and the Pirates (Charlton comic from the 1950s)
  • Belit (and Conan, for a time) from the Conan comics (older Marvel volumes)
  • The Black Pirate appeared in some of the 1940s issues of Action Comics
  • There was the pirate comic-within-a-comic in Watchmen (Tales of Black Freighter)
  • Buccaneers from the 1950s
  • The similarly named Buccaneer, also from the 1950s
  • The Golden Medallion, a pirate comic book put out by LEGO
  • The Pirates of Dark Water A kids comic put out by Marvel based on the Hanna-Barbera cartoon.
  • Terry and the Pirates. Sure it was a comic strip, but it’s been reprinted in comic book form several times
  • Then of course there’s Colonia (pointed out to me last year by Laura, the “Scourge of the Seattle Seas”)
  • Pirate Corp$
  • Even Mickey Mouse is getting in on the act: Air Pirates Funnies
  • Metrokitty (the “Feline Felon”) reminded me that there was a pirate as a suporting character in the Starman series (and in one of the Talking with David issues).
  • Speaking of Disney, we can’t forget air pirate Don Carnage from Talespin
  • Pirates appeares in at least one Spirit story
  • EC’s Piracy
  • Indiana Jones and the Sargasso Pirates
  • Some pirates appeared (briefly, before being slaughtered) in Grendel: War Child #4
  • Polly and the Pirates
  • The Aquaman villains Cutlas Charlie, Captain Squid, and Captain Blackjack
  • The subway pirates from Seven Soldiers: Manhattan Guardian

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House - Episode 3 (Season Three): “Informed Consent”

Despite Joel Grey in a guest starring role, this was another sub-standard episode of House. Frankly, some of the worst medicine in the series yet. Medical explanations and spoilers follow.

Spoiler Warning!

Ezra Powell, a famous researcher, is in his lab dissecting some rats. A subtle tremor of his right hand can be seen and he is coughing as he is examining the rats. His breathing becomes worse and he starts gasping for breath before falling unconscious to the floor.

Powell is admitted to the hospital and House and his team take over the case. They are unsure if the breathing problems are due to the heart or to the lungs. They mention such diagnoses as amyloidosis (a condition where an abnormal proten builds up in certain organs leading) and long term exposure to toxic chemicals, but both the EKG and chest x-ray are reportedly normal (which is strange as they repeatedly refer to fluid in the lungs — pulmonary edema — which does show up on x-ray).

House orders an exercise stress EKG. This is the first big mistake of the night because that’s entirely the wrong test. The team is concerned with heart failure — that the heart is not beating as strong as it should and fluid is backing up in the lungs. An exercise stress test doesn’t evaluate this; instead it shows how the electrical system of the heart reacts to stress. While it is a valuable tool for picking up ischemic heart disease (narrowed arteries) or irregular rhythms, it tells nothing about how strong the heart is beating. They need an echocardiogram for that — like the one they ordered in last week’s episode.

Anyway, Powell is too frail to walk on the treadmill, so the test is stopped. Cameron tells House that there’s too much fluid in Powell’s lungs, so House tells her to get rid of it. Chase performs a thoracentesis and drains some fluid. And this is the second big mistake. Thoracentesis drains fluid from the area around the lungs (pulmonary effusion), not from within the lungs themselves (pulmonary edema). It simply wouldn’t have worked (according to my notes, this isn’t the first time the writers have confused pulmonary effusion and edema. They also did it in the first season). Regardless, they stress Powell again, this time having him use his arms. When this doesn’t raise the heart rate enough, House injects some epinephrine (adrenalin) into Powell’s IV. This gets the heart racing enough for the test, which unsurpsingly is normal (because it’s the wrong test!). Powell takes this opportunity to inform the team that he knows he is dying and would like them to help him die.

House is now more suspicious that the cause of the shortness of breath has to do with the lungs. He considers Strep pneumoniae (a common bacterial cause of pneumonia) and mycoplasma (a less common cause of pneumonia). Powell refuses any more tests. He informs House plainly that he wants to die and would like House’s assistance. House strikes a bargain: if he can’t make the diagnosis in twenty-four hours, he will help Powell die.

The team needs to make the most of the twenty-four hours. They run a variety of tests including amylase (looks for pancreatitis and some lung cancers), d-dimer (looks for clotting disorders), C Reactive Protein (measure the amount of inflammation), urine tests, and a bone marrow biopsy. He has Cameron search Powell’s lab for clues. The blood tests are all normal and Foreman reports that no bacteria grew in the blood cultures (but this can take up to 48 hours, even if you “spin them down.” Bacteria can only grow so fast). The bone marrow biopsy showed abnormally few cells, but showed no obvious source of the problem. An MRI of the brain is ordered when House suspects Powell might be having memory problems, but it too is normal.

With the twenty-four hours up, the team returns to Powell’s room. House tries to bluff and tell Powell that he has multiple myeloma (a cancer of the blood forming cells in the bone marrow), but Powell quickly realizes House is lying and tells House that he expects him to keep his word and help him die. Later, House returns to the patient’s room with a syringe of morphine. Cameron and Foreman protest and then leave the room, but Chase just shuts the door and closes the blinds. House injects the morphine into the patient who quickly goes into pulmonary arrest and codes. As soon as this happens, House grabs the rescue gear and intubates the patient, placing him on a ventilator. Now House can continue his tests without Powell’s “whining.”

Taking another look at the MRI, House notices that it went low enough to reveal that the top of the lungs show scarring. An autoimmune disease — it could be lupus — is suspected and Powell is started on immunoglobulin and a colonoscopy is ordered. The colonoscopy is normal and the immunoglobulin makes things worse. A diagnosis of Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis is now considered and a lung biopsy is performed — which is also normal (but while pulmonary fibrosis would cause shortness of breath, it wouldn’t cause fluid to build up in the lungs). Powell now develops a right pneumothorax (a collapsed or “dropped” lung) and a chest tube is placed to reinflate the lung. As he is stitching the chest tube into place, House notices that Powell has no sensation on his right hand. The team wakes Powell up, who is understandably angry, and he refuses any more tests. Through some sleight of hand, House is able to confirm a lack of sensation to the left leg, right arm, and abdomen. The differential diagnosis now consists of Kawasaki’s Disease (”Which would explain the kidney failure,” Chase says. What kidney failure? When was this mentioned?), lymphoma, and sarcoidosis. A skin biopsy is obtained by Cameron and tests negative for all three (but of those three, only sarcoidosis shows up in the skin, and not in random biopsies). However, when exposed to a Congo Red (a special red dye), it fluoresces, showing that the patient has amyloidosis (and that Chase was right all along, for once). Unfortunately Powell has the most severe form of amyloidosis and it is terminal (though it is not quite as immediately fatal as suggested — but then, it’s not clear how long Poweel has had the disease). He dies later that night under what can be called suspicious circumstances.


Clearly I had some concerns with the medicine in the show tonight. They often run unnecessary labs and tests, but rarely do they spend fifteen minutes obsessing on a test that is the wrong test in the first place. Furthermore, expecting a frail elderly man to be able to perform an exercise stress test is a little ridiculous. That’s why there are several chemical stress tests — where the heart is stressed chemically instead of by exercise — and none of them use epinephrine. It was just sloppy medicine. Wrong test, wrong procedures, and symptoms that were suddenly mentioned (kidney failure) or forgotten about (the tremor).

The soap opera aspect was better this week. The issues raised are intriguing, and we spent several hours discussing them in medical school. Under what circumstance, if any, is physician assisted suicide acceptable? How can you make sure that depression, common in severely ill patients, is not influencing the patient’s desire to die? Is there an ethical difference between withdrawing support and letting the patient die, and taking a more active role? All good questions, and all addressed to some extent during this show. No firm answers were provided — which is as it should be — but the show did an excellent idea raising the correct questions.

This episode earns a B for the mystery, but only a C for the solution because the final answer seemed too random (a red thong!) and really should have been found sooner — but the medicine overall earns an even-worse-than-last-week D-. The soap opera/non-medical aspect were very good and deserve an A.

previous House reviewsThe previous House review
previous House reviewsA list of all prior House reviews

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The Face of Doom

There seem to be two standard opinions regarding the extent of scarring on Dr. Doom’s face. The first is that the explosion of Doom’s machine in college horribly scarred his face. This is the view that the current regime at Marvel seems to favor, at least given the appearance of Marvel’s new Dr. Doom bust. The second opinion is that Doom’s face is barely scarred, if at all. To his mind, however, his previously handsome face is horribly marred and that’s why he wears the mask. This is the view that Jack Kirby seemed to favor (scroll down a little).

I always favored Kirby’s view myself. Then I started thinking about Dr. Doom’s origin (as told in the classic Fantastic Four Annual #2 from 1964). That’s when I realized the truth: Doom’s face is horribly scarred…but only because he scarred it himself.

Look at the scene below: Doom puts a scorching hot metal mask up against his face and locks it into place. Steam and/or smoke is pouring out — that has to hurt. There’s no way that’s not going to cause serious burns and leave nasty scars. Doom is a brilliant man — he knew exactly what was going to happen. (I’m sure the monks couldn’t get that burnt protein/ bad perm out of their Himalayan cave for weeks.)

Is this steel even forged?Pain is for lesser men!I can feel my pores opening!

Of course, this particular version of Dr. Doom’s origin is 42 years old and has been adjusted countless times over the years, but I’ve always consider this origin the classic, and I really like the notion of Doom purposefully scarring his own face.

Warning!! Psychobabble!

Now what would Doc Samson say about this?
Read more…

The Completely True Untold Origin of Doctor Doom, No Kidding For Real

The truth is finally revealed!

Always wanted to speak with the voice of an absolute dictator? Well, now’s your chance. Here’s the same scene with a blank word balloon. Have at it! In the meantime, here’s two more:

Dammit Reed!As a brother of Kappa Epsilon Gamma...

More Doom

Wait...I forgot it again!

Other Dooms:

And check out all the dialogue suggestions in the comments from the previous post.

If there’s any I’ve missed, drop me a line and I’ll add it to the list

Your Weekend Moment of Nosebleed Zen: Maxwell Lord

Another in my series of explorations of nosebleeds resulting from the use of psychic powers. The subject this weekend is the late Mawell Lord, from his time as the head of Justice League International.

Max Lord, nose bleeder
In this scene, Max has just used his powers on the Huntress.
from Justice League #30 (Giffen, DeMatteis, Willingham)

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Your Weekend Moment of Nosebleed Zen: Max Lord, part 2

Continuing my catalogue of nosebleeds resulting from the use of psychic powers. This weekend, I’m taking a look at Maxwell Lord, back from when he was involved with the Justice League International. In addition to yesterday’s look at Max, he was also featured in one of my original posts on “telepathic” nosebleeds from little over a year ago.

Max Lord, nose bleeder
Lost at sea, Max has just used his powers to keep the Huntress from killing him.
from Justice League #35 (Giffen, DeMatteis, Hughes)

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I’m With…