Polite Dissent

I swung by Archon today. I like to spend an hour or two in the art room, going up and down the rows of paintings, drawings and other works. As always, there were many beautiful paintings and sculptures that I would love to own, but an equal number of amateurish one (and I’m not talking about the children’s art display).

1. Please bring along some business cards, or at least post a website address. I may not be looking to buy anything today, but there’s a good chance I will in the future.
2. Just because you can draw a naked women doesn’t mean you should. Really.
3. Pay attention to how women actually sit.
4. I know there are artists (including several in the comic book industry) whose every image is simply a reworking of someone elses’s photograph, often from Playboy or a simlar source. Don’t be one of those artists. It’s sad when four paintings by four different artists all have the idential pose, down to the hands and shadows. And a painfully unlikely pose at that.
5. If you’re going to matt your own work, make sure the matt color and cut complents the art. Bend, dinged and scuffed matts look horrible. Prints that are matted do look a little more professional, but it also limits my options as the buyer.

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Offices open in Star City, Metropolis, Gotham City, Central City, Midway City, Coast City and Peoria.

October’s Redirected Male column over at Sequential Tart is by yours truly.

Out of nowhere, Hulk and She-Hulk became my number one searches this month. In fact, according to my stats, this post about She-Hulk was by far the most requested page this month and the accompanying picture was Google (or Yahoo) image-searched several times a day. Anyone have any idea why?

medical term foosh
FOOSH is indeed a recognized medical term. It stands for Fall On OutStreched Hand, the sort of injury you’d suffer when falling forward while trying to rollerblade. Scaphoid fractures are common in FOOSH injuries.
ibuprofen or acetaminophen for sprains
Acetaminophen (Tylenol) is an analgesic (pain-killer) and an anti-pyretic (fever reducer); it is NOT an anti-inflammatory so it will not help with swelling. Ibuprofen (Motrin, Advil) — and others of its class including Naproxen (Aleve) — are analgesics, anti-pyretics and anti-inflammatories.

clive cussler books redundant
That may be a little harsh. Let’s just say they’re cliched and predictable.

blood types rare/common
The relative commoness or rarity of the various blood types depends a great deal on geographic location and ethnic background. For the United States, the blood type distribution is generall considered to be the following:

O+ 38%   A+ 34% O- 7%   A- 6% B+ 9%   AB+ 3% B- 2%   AB- 1%

voice of kim possible
Christy Carlson Romano

dem bones brachs candy
It is that time of the year. I’d suggest getting yours at the Oriental Trading Company because they sell the one-pund bags as well as the candy skeletons that come in plastic coffins.

examples of comics portraying depression
other than the classic MD and Psychoanalysis comics from EC, the only one I can think of off-hand was an issue of Flash that dealt with postpartum depression.

Searches that posed interesting questions or ideas:
obscure mammals
detective novels of the weimar republic

Sharing bad news with a patient and their family is one of the toughest jobs in medicine. Luckily Will Eisner, Steve Ditko and Stan Lee have provided the fledgling physician with several lessons on how to deliver bad news:

1. Always stand when addressing the patient.
   This lets the patient know who’s in charge.
2. It’s helpful to hold an x-ray or other prop to show how serious you are.
   This reinforces the fact that you are the expert.
3. Lay a comforting hand on the patient’s shoulder or chest.
   If you don’t want to actually touch the patient, its OK to just touch their non-contagious spouse.
4. For added attention, make sure to address the patient by name.
   This is particularly important if the patient is evil or will die before the day is out.
5. Hospital scrubs are the best choice of apparel.
   They provide a veneer of respectability. If you don’t wear scrubs, at least wear a suit and tie in a subdued color.
6. Make sure you stand between the patient and the door.
   This way they can’t run away, and you can quickly escape if they become violent.

And before anyone gets bent out of shape or offended: I’m joking. This is not how we’re taught to deliver bad news (although I suspect it’s not too different from how physicians were taught not that many years ago).

What do we have here? Lois Lane, that champion of the first admendment, falsely yelling “Fire!” in a crowded theater?

The set-up: two Russian ballerinas are trying to defect. Lois dresses as a ballerina and dances as the lead in the show — another skill I bet you didn’t know Lois had. The Russian goons discover who she really is, and as they rush to capture her she yells: “Fire!” Who cares if people are injured or killed in the stampede for the door as long as she escapes! Right? Right?
This story, ” Swan Dance for a Girl Reporter,” was brought to you by Gerry Conway, Bob Oksner, and Vince Colletta

Historic divergence #1: the famous line about “shouting fire in a crowded theater” (which is universally misquoted, including by me, right here) comes from the written opinion of the Supreme Court in the case Shenck v. the United States(1919). I’m not a lawyer, so I’m not going try to explain this case (though Wikipedia has a fairly concise summation).

Historic Divergence #2: The phrase “clear and present danger” comes from the same place.

Historic Divergence #3: Here’s the relevant quote from the court’s opinion, written by Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes:

The most stringent protection of free-speech would not protect a man in falsely shouting fire in a theater and causing a panic…. The question in every case is whether the words used are used in such circumstances and are of such a nature as to create a clear and present danger that they will bring about the substantive evils that Congress has a right to prevent them. It is a question of proximity and degree.

That doesn’t look like a PlayStation, it looks more like a George Foreman Grill. I think this is a big step back in design, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

It not only plays video games, but it can grill hamburgers and chops!

Jimmy Olsen had his hand burned in an explosion. It doesn’t look bad to me — just a few small first-degree burns — but apparently it’s enough to stop Jimmy from playing guitar (and the world breathes a sigh of relief).

Superman, modest as ever during the Silver Age, steps in and heals the burns by blowing on them with his super-breath. He’s long been able to cool things down or freeze them with his super breath, but this is the first time I’ve seen him actually heal with it.

And why does Jimmy need to be able to play guitar? So that he can record a county song written by the computers in the Fortress of Solitude — one that’s “guaranteed to be a hit.”

Clearly writer Cary Bates doesn’t think much of doctors — or country music.

(From Superman Family #176, “Jimmy Olsen — Nashville Super-Star” by Cary Bates and Kurt Schaffenberger)

Pork Barrel Spending in Metropolis
by Lois Lane, Daily Planet staff

There has been a great deal of attention focused recently on excessive government spending, particularly in the wake of the devastation resulting from Hurricane Katrina and the billions of dollars that will be necessary to rebuild the storm ravaged areas. Leading the charge against congressional pork barrel spending has been a loose coalition of bloggers and other on-line activists. The web site Pork Busters pays testament to their activities.

Many senators and congressmen have addressed the topic at hand. A few have agreed to cut projects, but most have denied that their particular pet projects are in any way pork barrel spending. Given his usual loquaciousness, the congressman from Metropolis has been strangely silent on this topic. Constituents sending letters or e-mails to his office received a brief and poorly spelled form-letter in reply.

After repeated calls from the Daily Planet, Representative Levitz reluctantly agreed to address Congressional pork spending when he spoke to the crowd at a recent pancake breakfast fundraiser for the Committee to Re-elect Pete Ross (CREEPeR).

After the meal was served, Representative Levitz stepped to the podium and spoke:

What many uninformed people see as “Pork” are actually extremely important projects. For example, reinforced vibranium walls for City Hall are a necessity! In a world with criminals like the Joker, the Shocker and Joe Quesada running around, municipal employees deserve adequate protection!

This announcement was met with scattered applause, particularly from the people seated on the stage.

Hurricane Katrina and the Gotham City earthquake have demonstrated how quickly civil government can break down in a disaster. Rather than leave our lives in the hands of a handful of a few fickle costumed vigilantes, I have proposed the creation of the Levitz Armed Mandroid Exigency Situation Team. In the event of a disaster, these Mandroids will be activated and used pre-emptively to provide security and order in this fair city. Again, this is not a Pork project, but rather a means of keeping a responsible individual in control during a possible disaster…namely me.

There have been questions about the Metropolis highway funding as well. A city the size of Metropolis attracts a large number of costumed indiviuduals, both so-called “super-heroes” and “super-villains.” The unlawful activities of these costumed rough-necks routinely have a detrimental effect upon our city’s infrastructure. We desperately need these Federal highway funds to repair the streets of Metropolis. The fact that these street repairs are carried out by a subsidiary of LexCorp is purely coincidental.

Finally, let me remind my constituency that my record speaks for itself. I am against excessive, superfluous and redundant government expenditures. I voted against both of President Luthor’s Battlesuit Bills as well as his needlessly expensive Kryptonian Deportation Depot.

When asked about whether the money spent on the giant robot standing beside him could be better spent elsewhere, Representative Levitz stated:

In this day and age, personal safety is a priority for everyone and this is especially true for elected public officials. This Mark-5 Sentinel is not an example of Pork spending, but instead a vitally important aspect of the War against Terror.

At this point, Representative Levitz quickly left the breakfast, mumbling something about an upcoming “Crisis.”

It’s a beautiful day, so I’m going to help the Polite-Wife do some painting and then go for a nice long bike ride. See you tomorrow.

• The slogan for the new Kawasaki Ninja motorcycle: Sometimes it’s hard to hide*
  Which makes me think that either Kawasaki or their advertising company doesn’t quite grasp the idea of “ninja” all that well.
• After finishing second in the NASCAR race today, Greg Biffle commented “I was hounding him like a cat ready to pounce.”
  Cat a cat really hound, or can only dogs do that?

*I’m probably paraphrasing slightly, I’ve only seen the ad once, and spent most of it laughing.

Roy Lincoln and his father, both chemists, were working on a secret new ultra-powerful explosive, QRX-27*. As they so often did during the Golden Age, foreign agents broke into the lab wanting to steal the formula**. They killed Ray’s father, but rather than let his secret explosive fall into enemry hands, Roy swallowed it.

No, you read that right. He swallowed a high-powered explosive. On purpose.

Personally I have trouble swallowing asparagus, I can’t imagine swallowing some sort of super-dynamite.

Rather than killing him or blowing him to little bits, this experimental explosive grants him super powers. Whatever he hits, explodes. Luckily, he is crafty enough to invent an asbestos suit (later a “fibro-wax suit”) that keeps him from indiscriminately exploding. In later issues, the exploding was changed from his “whole body” to just his “hands”, which is good as he acquired a girl friend about the same time.

The Human Bomb was written and drawn by Paul Gustavson. He appeared in Police Comics #1 (the same issue that also gave us Firebrand, Phantom Lady and Plastic Man). When DC Comics picked up the rights to the old Quality characters, he joined the Freedom Fighters and then the All-Star Squadron.

---

*The actual name of the secret explosive seems to change at the whim of the writer. It has been known as QRX-27, 27-QRX and X-24 (but never Illudium Q-36)

**This seems to happen in at least half the Golden Age orgin stories. I bet Nazi agents went around breaking into high school chemistry labs just for practice.
“Quick Gunter, grab the phenophthalein! Ha Ha! Silly Americans! Now all your bases will be pink!”

I am a big fan of Gary Frank’s art. It is the only reason that I’ll still flip through an occasional issue of Supreme Power. Still, I have to call him on this instance of bad anatomy.

The set-up (from Supreme Power #17): Mark Milton (Hyperion) is hanging out in a local strip club, eyeing the dancers. And by eyeing, I mean “using his x-ray vision to see everything.” (Of course, if he has x-ray vision, one wonders why he feels the need to hang out in a strip club in the first place). Regardless, Milton spends some time looking at a particular dancer (slightly censored to keep this blog family friendly).

It’s a fascinating panel, with the art showing both her external appearance and her bone structure and internal organs. Unfortunately, that’s exactly where the problem lies. Take a look at her left leg.

The yellow arrow shows where her kneecap ( “patella” in doctor-speak) should be; in fact, Frank’s drawn a nice bulge in the skin there. Look at the bones now. The green highlights where the patella is. Not even close. Similar problems exist for the rest of the lower leg bones and anatomical landmarks.

In all fairness, it’s a tough concept to draw, but just a quick check of his own anatomy (go ahead and do it yourself: bend you leg and check where your kneecap is. I’ll wait) would have shown him his mistake.

As we left them at the end of last issue, Hank, Dawn and Ren were confronted with an armed woman in Hank’s apartment. She calmly explains that she just wants to see Kyle and Donna and forces Ren to call them up and invite them over for a last minute party. Dawn and Ren tell her that a creepy snake guy is following Ren, but the other woman doesn’t believe them.

At that moment — just like in any grade-B horror film — the lights go out. Hank lunges at the gun-wielding woman but gets a knee in his groin that leaves him gasping for breath as she runs out the door.

Of course the lights did’t go out by accident: Copperhead has crept into the apartment looking for Ren. Dawn changes into Dove and tries to keep Ren safe, but Copperhead is too quick and grabs her. Hawk charges into Copperhead, freeing Ren, but he finds the slippery snake man difficult to hold. The mysterious woman reappears in the doorway and fires several shots into Copperhead, driving him out the window.

Ren dashes from the apartment, runs to a phone booth and dials 911. Before she can complete the call, Copperhead shows up. The strange woman drives by in her VW bug and offers Ren a ride. The two of them speed away but Copperhead jumps on top of the car. The woman tries to shake him off but only succeeds in rolling the car. Luckily, the accident is in front of Suds and Ren slips into the bar while the woman tries to hold Copperhead off.

Once in Suds, Ren runs into Kyle and Donna. Kyle explains that the strange gun-totin’ woman must be his aunt Ruth, the black sheep of the family. Dugan promises that he’lll “look after” Ren and makes a cryptic comment about disliking law and order (emphasis on order).

Hawk and Dove arrive and once again Hawk finds that Copperhead is hard to hold or even to land a hit on. Dove sneaks up behind Copperhead and gives him a Vulcan nerve pinch, but just to be sure he’s immobilized, Hawk hits him once or twice while he’s down. Copperhead is captured, Ruth escapes, and Ren is fine…or is she?

Running through the DC books at this time was a race around the world between Flash and Superman. The racecourse cuts through the Georgetown campus and the students all come out to watch. Ren, acting crazier than usual, crosses the barriers and walks onto the racecourse, camera in hand. Both Flash and Superman manage to dodge her, but the air stream from their passing knocks her head over heels. She just sits there in the middle of the road laughing maniacally. Gee…could this mean something?

Greg Guler and Scott Hanna’s art is good and the Kesel’s writing is certainly entertaining, but this issue never quite clicked for me. Copperhead is the first established super-villain that Hawk and Dove have fought, but his reasons for hunting down Ren just don’t make much sense. Similarly, the idea that “crazy Aunt Ruth” would try to reconnect with her nephew by kidnapping his friends at gunpoint seems more than a little off.

Looking back at the Scorecard, we can see that many of the foreshadowed events have occurred. Some of the better ones are still to come though: the Titans and the return of Kestrel.

I know drawing Spider-Man in all sorts of super-agile postitions while web slinging has been the rage since the days of McFarlane. Still, I think Mike Deodata Jr. in Amazing Spider-Man #522 has taken it a little too far.

Look at Spidey’s legs, particularly that back leg. I don’t think the human body bends that way.

I tried to recreate the pose with my super-posable Spider-Man doll action figure and I came fairly close. It looks painfully awkward when shot from the top like the comic panel.

Look at Spidey straight on and you’ll see how impossible the pose is. Super-posable Spider-Man can only assume the position because his ankles and mid-thighs can rotate a full 360 degrees. All I can say is: Yeouch!

And even if he were that agile, why would Spider-Man choose such an awkward position? He’s not more aerodynamic, his landing would be painful, and villains (as well as pedestrians) could take pot shots at his Spider-jewels.

Amazing Fantasy #10 “Poison Tomorrow, Chapter Four: Gone Native”
Fred Van Lente, writer
Leonard Kirk, penciler

S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Noriko Nagayoshi has sent a genetic sample from Carmilla Black ( “the Scorpion”) to the International Centre for Genetic Engineering and Biotechnology in New Delhi. Doctor Rao, a researcher from the clinic, has just called Agent Nagayoshi back with the results:

This young woman is quite a find. Her lymphatic system produces what I can only describe as a “ludicrous” variety of life-saving chemicals.
Atropine to defend against nerve gas…amyl nitride [sic] to overcome blood agents like cyanide. I would imagine the atropine let her survive the curare overdose you mentioned in your report.
Her sweat glands secret dimercaprol and chloramine to counteract blistering agents such as mustard gas.
Her cell nuclei float in a solution of iodized salt to deflect gamma rays.

Some of what Dr. Rao is saying makes sense, but most of it is just pure hogwash. Let’s look at it piece by piece:

• Atropine is the best treatment for nerve toxins. It has some potent side effects, so I wouldn’t want it coursing through my bloodstream all the time, but I’m sure Carmilla has some regulatory system in place so the atropine isn’t always being produced.
• Atropine does not reverse curare poisoning; that requires a type of drug known as an anticholinesterase. It’s true that atropine is given along with an anticholinesterase when treating curare poisoning, but this is to minimize the side effects from the anticholinesterase; it has nothing to do with the curare itself.
• Amyl nitrite is often used as part of the treatment of cyanide poisoning. The nitrites are only one part of the treatment and are fairly toxic chemicals in their own right. Also note that amyl nitrite is an inhaled drug; it is not appropriate for intravenous use (sodium nitrite is used instead). And yes, this is the same amyl nitrite found in poppers.
• By the way, it is amyl nitrite, not amyl nitride. Perform a Google search for “amyl nitride” and you’ll find the likely source of the writer’s information (and notice that although many different sites show up, the text on each site is identical) . Amyl nitrite is sometimes referred to as amyl nitrate, but they are two different chemicals.
• Dimercaprol is the antidote for Lewisite, a blistering agent similar to mustard gas. It is not an antidote for mustard gas itself.
• Chloramine is formed when ammonia reacts with sodium hypochlorite (better known as household bleach). Chloramine is a toxic chemical and a known skin irritant. It is commonly used as a disinfectant in public water systems and it has been used successfully to decontaminate skin exposed to mustard gas.
• Mustard Gas is a type of chemical warfare agent known as a blistering agent (or in medical speak, a vesiculating agent). It is particularly nasty because it can penetrate most clothing and it clings to the skin. It causes the formation of large painful blisters on the skin 2-4 hours after exposure. Immediate treatment is best — once the blisters appear, it is too late for decontamination to work.
• Would sweat-gland-produced decontamination work? Possibly. It would certainly be an immediate treatment, but I don’t know if the sweat glands could produce enough chemicals to counteract a full attack unless Carmilla was really, really sweaty. Sweat glands would also not be able to protect the eyes and lungs — two other targets of blistering agents.
• Gamma radiation is the most penetrating of the three basic forms of radiation. Unlike alpha and beta radiation which are particles, gamma radiation is a high-energy electromagnetic wave: think of a very powerful x-ray. A microscopic amount of salt water isn’t going to do anything to stop a gamma ray. The effectiveness of iodine against radiation has been grossly overstated in the media (and the web). While it’s true that iodine will help the thyroid gland resist damage from radioactive iodine, it won’t do anything for the rest of the body — or radiation from any other source.

Note to S.H.I.E.L.D. — Please stop outsourcing your scientific research.

Not a Rumor!

Not an Imaginary Story!

Lois Lane Friday returns this afternoon!

Now that’s a cover. It grabs your attention and makes you want to read the comic. The fact that a little of the first page can be seen where Lois ripped off the title is a nice touch.

In Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #80, Lois gets upset when Superman misses her birthday party. She would have understood it if he were out saving the world, but when she discovers that he spent the night crushing cars in a junkyard she becomes absolutely furious. She decides that Superman is “just not that into her” and that it would be best for her to leave Metropolis for good. She randomly chooses a city on the map and ends up moving to Coral City.

Once in Coral City, she decides to support herself by getting a job as a nurse at the local hospital. When she goes to apply for a job, she is dismayed to discover that hundreds of other nurses have shown up for the job as well. Her quick thinking in helping a ten-year-old boy whose toy fell down a storm drain impresses the head doctor and she is hired on the spot. When asked for her name, she tells him, “Lois Lorne.” (How she managed to get a nursing diploma and license under an alias is never mentioned).

As usual, Lois is the über-Nurse. She is an operating room nurse, a physical therapist, a floor nurse and a clinic nurse. One day, a rocket launched from the nearby military base crashes. The pilot, Rand Kirby ( “the handsomest astronaut on base”), is brought to the hospital for emergency surgery.

Doctor: He’s in shock! He’ll need a transfusion! Luckily his dog tag lists his blood type!

Lois rushes down to the blood bank, but the door is jammed and she can’t open it. She realizes that she has the same blood type as Rand and volunteers for a transfusion. The doctor thinks the pilot’s condition is worrisome, but is waiting for the x-rays to be sure (personally, I think the fact that he’s in a coma would be a bad sign.) The transfusion from Lois miraculously brings Rand out of his coma, and when the x-rays show no serious injuries, he is ready to be discharged from the hospital. First, though, he asks Lois out with that classic pick-up line: “With your blood flowing in me veins…there is a sort of special bond between us”

On one of Lois and Rand’s dates, they catch a foreign spy in the act. He escapes, but Superman flies by and catches him. Because the spy hurt his leg in the scuffle, he is brought to the hospital for treatment and questioning. Superman shows up at the hospital as well, trying to persuade Lois to return to Metropolis. At one point, the doctors ask Lois to get the Sodium Pentothal “truth serum” to inject into the patient. Lois gets a brilliant idea: she draws up a syringe of water and pretends it’s the sodium pentothal. She then trips and injects herself with the syringe. Believing that Lois is under the effect of the drug, Superman quizzes her. She lies and tells him that she has no feelings for him anymore. Sadly, he flies off for Metropolis and Lois remains as a nurse in Coral City.

Sodium pentothal (also known as sodium thiopental, thiopentone sodium, and trapanal) is an extremely fast-acting injectable anesthetic. Since it can put people to sleep in less than a minute, it was once widely used as to initiate anesthesia (propofol is used more commonly now, though many anesthesiologists still use the pentothal).

In lower doses, sodium pentothal has a reputation for being a “truth serum.” The idea is that the drug interferes with a person’s judgment and lowers their inhibitions, leaving them open for questioning. The CIA allegedly tested it during their MK-ULTRA project and several governments reportedly continue to use it for interrogations. Realistically, it has never worked well. Much like hypnosis, people under the effects of sodium pentothal have difficulty distinguishing fact from fantasy, are open to subtle suggestions from their questioners, and are unreliable witnesses. Despite what Lois may think, it is certainly possible to lie while under the effect of sodium pentothal.

Ethics is the big issue here. The use of sodium pentothal in questioning is against both federal law and the Geneva Convention. And what about Superman? Questioning Lois while he thinks she’s under the effect of a truth serum — that’s just sleazy and wrong on so many levels.

As for the rest of the medicine in this issue, I just wonder what kind of transfusion can pull a man from a coma. Commander Kirby’s doctors also make one of the most common mistakes in comic book medicine — transfusing a patient without ever figuring out how they lost so much blood in the first place! Maybe medicine was easier in the sixties.

Next Friday, the story of Lois Lorne continues in Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #81.

Tags: comics lois lane superman

Rigor Mortis is a stiffening of the muscles that occurs after death. It generally begins about 3 hours after death, peaks at 12 hours after death (depending on the environemental temperature) and lasts no more than than 24-36 hours.

Sorry Batman, but rigor mortis would be long gone by three days.

Image taken from Detective Comics #733 with script by Bob Gale and pencils by Phil Winslade.

“Obviously” Batman, you’ve never read The Iliad either — the Trojan Horse is never mentioned in it. The horse is mentioned briefly in Homer’s other great epic The Odyssey, and at greater length in Virgil’s The Aeneid.

Image taken from Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #121 with script by Larry Hama and pencils by Rick Burchett.

A happy 2nd anniversary to Comic Treadmill, simply one of the best comic book sites out there.

And a fond farewell to the inimitable Fanboy Rampage…

Starting a weekly look at some of the classic medical PSA comic books published. for starters, here’s Captain America:

Captain America Meets the Asthma Monster

1988 brought us Captain America and his deep dark secret — he was once an asthmatic. The Super Soldier Serum not only turned him into Captain America, but also cured his asthma (although with asthma, he probably shouldn’t have been allowed in the military in the first place).

Proving that once is never enough, the Asthma Monster returned the next year in the appropriately titled Captain America: Return of the Asthma Monster. This means that Captain America Meets the Asthma Monster was the only medical PSA comic book that earned a sequel.

Captain America: Return of the Asthma Monster

(I hear that somewhere out there is Captain America vs. The Asthma Monster. I suspect this is the same comic as Captain America Meets the Asthma Monster, just under a different cover, though I’m not certain).

Captain America Meets the Asthma Monster reprinted Cap’s origin and then included a new story bu Louise Simonson with art by Alex Saviuk. Captain America: Return of the Asthma Monster featured a story by Howard Mackie with art by Mark Bagley. Both comics were produced by Marvel Comics along with the pharmaceutical companies Allen & Hanbury’s (in the UK) and Glaxo (in America). Glaxo eventually purchased Allen & Hanbury’s. The comics were given out free in doctor’s offices.

I spent the better part of the past weekend reading the Batman: No Man’s Land storyline. I only picked up a few peripheral Batman titles when this was originally published in 1999, so I missed most of the story.

For those of you unfamiliar with the plot: Gotham City has been demolished by a severe earthquake. Rather than rebuild the city, the government instead decides to abandon it. The residents are evacuated and all access to the city destroyed. Gotham City is declared a “no man’s land” and anyone left inside is considered an outlaw. The military is called in to enforce the borders. No aid of any sort will be given to Gotham’s remaining residents.

As the dust settles, different areas of the city have been claimed by different gangs. City block by city block, Batman and his associates, along with the remaining GCPD officers, reclaim Gotham City. As a final act, they head off an attempt by Lex Luthor to take over the city.

No Man’s Land was an overarching storyline that lasted for just under a year. Within this storyline there were several smaller story arcs* and some done-in-one stories.

Reading No Man’s Land post-Katrina, many of the plot concepts don’t seem quite as far-fetched as they did when it was originally published. Let’s look at a No Man’s Land/Katrina Prediction Scorecard: (green for correct, orange for maybe, red for wrong). A major US city can be entirely shut down by a natural disaster After an evacuation, the destitute, elderly, and invalid will be left behind. Food and fresh water will be worth their weight in gold. Disease will be an issue. Some police will turn to crime, while others will remain on duty non-stop. The Government will decide to abandon the city. Abandoning New Orleans was discussed, but I don’t think anybody really took it seriously Armed gangs will roam the streets. The national media certainly seemed to believe this at first. There was definitely looting and lawlessness, but not to the extent pictured in No Man’s Land. And no super-villains (unless you count ex-FEMA director Michael Brown). Through inaction, the government will let people die. I’m considering this one a “maybe” because of intent. In No Man’s Land, the government intentionally abandoned people to die. In Katrina, it was more inertia, ineptitude, and an inability to fathom the big picture that led to so many deaths. It will take a year before any rebuilding begins.We’ll just have to see. Caped vigilantes will protect the citizens.

Although it was dragging by the end, this was one of the better Batman storylines of the past few years. It was certainly better than War Games and Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive/DDR Champion. Until the very end (the conclusion of the Joker arc), it managed to avoid the unnecessary and wanton murders that have populated the Bat books as of late.

*The individual story arcs within No Man’s Land used the same technique Marvel has been widely criticized for using in its upcoming Spider-Man: the Other storyline — the same creative team writing and drawing all the cross-over books in a particular month. The stories definitely benefited from this unified presentation, though admittedly DC wasn’t trying to launch a new ongoing Bat book at the same time.

While we’re waiting for the NLCS to resume (Go Cards!), Fox has replayed — appropriately enough — the baseball themed episode of House from last season.

Here’s my review of that episode: Sports Medicine

Batman: Jekyll & Hyde #6
Paul Jenkins, writer
Sean Phillips, penciler

Two-Face has gone crazy — crazier than normal, that is. He is blaming his misdeeds on his dead brother Murray. To remedy the situation, he takes a pistol and tries to shoot off the evil half of his face.

Unsurprisingly, he ends up in the hospital:

Commissioner Gordon: He blew half his face off — the “Murray” side…The bullet clipped the occipital lobe area of his brain and lodged under his skull.

Looking at the image of Two-Face shooting himself , it does appear that he is trying to shoot the left half of his face off (or at least give himself a Bruce Campbell chin). How then did he injure his occipital lobe, which is the very back part of the brain? To hit the occipital lobe directly, he would need to be aiming the pistol differently than he was. Artistic or writer error is always a possibility. Another possibility is that he was using a fairly low velocity weapon. In that case, the bullet would have enough power to enter the skull, but not enough power to break through a second time and exit. The bullet would then ricochet around inside the skull until it finally runs out of velocity, injuring the occipital lobe in the process. Commissioner Gordon’s words seem to suggest this, and there is no obvious exit wound in the art, so I suspect that this is the mechanism of injury.

Take a close look at the hospital scene reproduced in the upper right. How many errors can you spot? I count four.

ANSWERS: (Highlight with the mouse to reveal) 1. How many hoses does one face mask need? Four is way too many. (And you could probably argue that he should have been intubated in the first place.) 2. He was shot in the head. Why does he need that big tube and contraption over his heart. And what exactly is that contraption? 3. An EEG lead on the cheek is useless. 4. Speaking of useless EEG leads, how about those on top of the bandages.

The summer of 1959 was a heady time in Gotham City. Citizens were flocking to the Gotham Theater to see Charlton Heston in Ben Hur and Bobby Darin was rocking the town with Mack the Knife. And in a small periodical known as Detective Comics #267, the hero known as Bat-Mite made his debut.

Originally from a rural farm town in a small backwater dimension, Bat-Mite had always expressed an interest in Earthly super-heroes. When his parents died in a tragic yeti accident, he packed his meager belongings in a suitcase and headed out for the big city: Gotham.

Bat-Mite’s Brother: He always had his head in the clouds, talking about them super-heroes and skyscrapers. He was never any damn good at growing pumpkins, that’s for sure.

His first appearance was a smash success, and Bat-Mite appeared in Detective and Batman and World’s Finest again and again. He hung out and partied with all the big names: Batman, Superman, Batwoman, Robin and even Bat-Girl.

Mr. Mxyzptlk: That Bat-Mite sure knew how to have a good time. I would meet up with him after work and he always had at least 2 or 3 women draped all over him. He also had a fondness for those fruity foo-foo drinks. I think it was the paper umbrellas, really. He could always make me laugh though.

It seemed that the good times would never end. But end they did.

New management took over DC and decided that the comics needed a new direction. The Golden Age was over. The ship had sailed; the jig was up; the soup had scorched. Batman comics would no longer be humorous and extra-dimensional imps were no longer needed. Batman had his new look and only serious comics would be published in Gotham. Bat-Mite found himself out on the street. His money? Wasted on pink ladies, cheap women, and racehorses.

Ex-Girlfriend: I kept telling him he needed to save his money. Stop betting on those damn horses. Buy a better car. And shave. Would shaving at least once a week kill him? And clean up that apartment — jeez, what a pigsty. And then he accused me of being nag, can you believe it?

The late 60’s and early 70’s were tough on Bat-Mite. He kept auditioning for roles at DC, Marvel, Charlton, Atlas, Quality and even Archie — but nobody wanted a washed-up has-been imp. A few editors took pity on him and managed to squeeze Bat-Mite into a story here and there — but paying gigs were few and far between. His Broadway debut as Woodstock in You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown was lambasted by the critics and he was fired after opening night. He soon found himself reduced to performing dinner theater in Lansing.

One night, Bat-Mite had an epiphany after a particularly rousing chorus of “You Gotta Have Heart” as performed by the Southern Michigan Men’s Dinner Theater Glee Club. He realized that if ever wanted to work in a respectable medium — such as comic books — again he would have to clean up his act and get his life together. He joined Alcoholic Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous and other unnamed organizations and gave up the booze and gambling. He felt better and was able to lose some weight, but he remained unhappy and unemployed. Even with his new outlook he still couldn’t find any good work. He was offered a recurring role on Little House on the Prairie, but even a washed-up cartoon had his pride. Finally, he packed his mask and cape and headed back to the family farm.

Brother: It was good to have him back, and he sure seemed happy — even met and married a local girl — but he still didn’t know the first thing about pumpkins.

Things seemed to be finally settling down for Bat-Mite. His dreams of stardom were over and he was resigned to life as a farmer and husband. Or was he?

In 1977, Hollywood called. Batman and Robin had been given a new Filmation cartoon show and the producers wanted Bat-Mite to be involved. He was ecstatic.

Ex-Wife: He came into the kitchen, stunned, and I asked him what was wrong. He told me to “Pack my bags ’cause we were going to Hollywood!” I had never seen him so happy, even on our wedding day — he was ecstatic. Of course, as we were heading out to California he casually mentioned that the producers wanted a skinny Bat-Mite, so he started popping diet pills. A few with breakfast, some with lunch, a few more with dinner and a handful with every snack. He was eating them like candy.

The New Adventures of Batman was a hit and Bat-Mite was a star again. He didn’t handle the fame well and soon reverted to his old habits. He bought an expensive car and developed a taste for Fuzzy Navels and fast women.

Ex-Wife: I kept telling him that he needed to slow down or he’d kill himself, but he never listened. After I caught him in bed with Betty and Wilma, I’d had enough and I walked out. I told him, “Just you wait. I’ll get my own show.” He just laughed and chugged down a bottle of Grenadine.

The series ended abruptly and Bat-Mite found himself once more out of a job. The cartoon continued to be shown in syndication, but Bat-Mite found his contract was “work-for-hire” and he wasn’t owed any money. In a booze and diet-pill fueled rage, he stormed the offices of DC comics in 1979 and demanded his own comic. He was quickly escorted off the premises and thrown in a back alley dumpster.

A decade of living on the edge followed. Bat-Mite refused to return to the family farm and admit defeat. He was drinking again, peach schnapps, up to a pint a day. He was still hooked on diet pills and had taken to snorting Benadryl in an effort to calm down. He bounced from relationship to relationship, often getting married and divorced the same day.

Ex-Wife #2: It was horrible! Bat-Mite had this two-dollar-a-day Benadryl habit. I was so embarrassed. After one particularly bad argument at a Grateful Dead concert he threw a bong at me. I was so conflicted: I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to miss the Dead. So I ended up getting a ride home with Shaggy — now he was a quality cartoon character. Too bad he never got over that thing with Velma.

The slope was getting steeper and steeper and Bat-Mite was sliding down like butter on Teflon. Would he ever recover?

After narrowing avoiding a car accident after accepting a ride with Leif Garrett, Bat-Mite took stock of his life. He quit drinking and cut back on the cigarettes. He weaned himself off of diet pills and Benadryl. He swallowed his pride and filmed a few Burger King commercials and a guest shot on Manimal. That gave him enough money to rent a small apartment and hire a personal trainer. He shed pounds, and more importantly, gained confidence. He swallowed his pride and looked up his old partner, Mr. Mxyzptlk.

Mr. Mxyzptlk:I hadn’t seen Bat-Mite for years, and the last time I had seen him it wasn’t pretty. He was high on Schnapps and antihistamines and kept accusing me of selling out. That’s why I was so surprised when he showed up again on my doorstep clean and sober. He apologized for the past and asked if there was any chance I could get him a job.

Mr. Mxyzptlk pulled a few strings and soon DC comics published the critically acclaimed Batman: Mitefall. Bat-Mite was back in print, and on expensive paper, too.

Sadly, the years of hard living had taken their toll. Just two weeks after Mitefall was released, Bat-Mite was found comatose in his Gotham City apartment. The years of booze and pills had been too much for his liver and he never regained consciousness. He was buried in Gotham Heights Cemetary with a simple headstone that reads: Bat-Mite — Cartoon Imp, Visionary, and Hero to Short People Everywhere.

At the end of the previous issue, Lois “Lorne” had decided to stay in Coral City and Superman returned to Metropolis. Now don’t feel sorry for Lois — she’s already engaged to her new boyfriend, “hunky” astronaut Rand Kirby¹.

On the other hand, Clark Kent is having a tough time. He can’t take his mind of Lois. He changes into Superman and decides to go back in time and fix everything that got Lois mad at him in the first place. He fails spectacularly².

Meanwhile, Lois is assisting her boss Dr. Culver with a new experiment. He’s testing a new “mind gas” that is supposed to turn criminals into upstanding citizens. Either that, or it kills the person. The local prison has allowed Dr. Culver to test the drug on four death row criminals³. The death row prisoners escape and hold Lois hostage. Superman arrives and captures the escapees. During the struggle, Lois is exposed to the experimental mind gas.

The gas doesn’t kill Lois⁴, but it does give her a monster headache and she passes out. When she wakes up, she discovers that she’’s gained the ability to read minds. Peeking into Superman’s thoughts, she discovers that he truly loves her. She realizes that she still loves him and resolves to break up with Rand.

Rand’s parents are in town and are taking the couple out for dinner. Lois decides not to break up with him then, because that would just be tacky. At dinner, she discovers that her telepathy has disappeared but now she has gained the ability to predict the future. She receives a vision of Superman trapped in space by a kryptonite-laden satellite. She knows Rand is the only one who can save him, but Rand’s superiors don’t believe Lois’s story. Then their telescope reveals that Superman is indeed trapped by the satellite, so they decide to send Rand into space to rescue him⁵.

Lois sneaks into the space capsule shortly before lift off and takes the place of the robotic co-pilot.

Lois: I’ve learned all about these space ships while covering launchings for the Planet!

As the space capsule nears the satellite, Lois spacewalks out to the satellite and saves Superman. Rand also leaves the capsule to help Superman. Their air hoses get tangled and now Superman has to save the two of them. Once again, Lois passes out⁶. This time when she wakes up, Rand tells her that he know she really loves Superman and sadly lets her return to Metropolis.

This story deserves an award just for its use of tired plot devices. Death row criminals. Holes to China. Experimental medication. Telepathy and precognition that conveniently resolve by the end of the story. A new fiancee and an old boyfriend. They don’t make comics like this anymore (and that may not be a bad thing).

The “medical experiment” aspect is ludicrous. No respectable doctor or scientist would ever attempt such an experiment. First of all, there are strict requirements for any experiment that uses human subjects. The hospital review board would never approve this experiment — the risks are too high and the benefits too low. Second, the test only involved four subjects; that’s not enough to prove anything positive or negative. For very rare diseases and conditions, small experiments may be a necessity –– but this is a test on “criminal thoughts” — an all too common condition.

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Notes:
¹How many times has Lois been engaged? I’d be interested in seeing a list. I bet she’s had at least a dozen fiancées at one point or another. I doubt any other woman (or character) in comics has had more.

²This is one of the stupidest things Superman has ever done. In the previous issue he missed Lois’s birthday party because he was smashing junked cars and lost track of time.
Now if you or I had the power to travel in time, it would be a no-brainer: go back and attend Lois’s party. Easy, right? Wrong. Superman decides to go back and smash the cars faster this time. Then he smashes too hard and knocks one of the cars clear through the Earth to China. This sets him behind schedule so he misses the party again. (So what happened to the Superman from that time? Why didn’t he make the party? He wasn’’t smashing cars, because that was the Superman-from-the-future.)

³The leader of these criminals is named “Strangler.” Here’s a hint: never trust someone named “Strangler.”

⁴Nor does it cure her criminal tendencies, as Lois is breaking and entering within just a few pages.

⁵So Lois’s precognition didn’t matter at all. Rand went up in the space capsule anyway.

⁶She does this a lot, doesn’t she?

Right off the bat, SPANC has three things going for it. First, it is published by Steve Jackson Games, publisher of such fine and outstanding games as GURPS, Ogre, Munchkin and Illuminati. Second, the art is by the incomparable Phil Foglio of Girl Genius fame. Third, the concept itself is pure genius: Space Pirate Amazon Ninja Catgirls — what’s not to love?

The game consists of three decks of cards: Crew, Toys, and Challenges. There are also counters to represent Loot and each player’s crew. To start, each player is dealt a crew of four catgirls. Each player also starts with one Toy (think “gear”) card and 2 loot markers.

Crew members are scored in 4 abilities: Space Pirate (representing gunnery, piloting and carousing), Amazon (outdoor survival and intimidation), Ninja (sneakiness), and Catgirl (fashion sense and sex appeal). Attaching a Toy card to a crew member may raise one or more of these scores (or may lower one of them). Certain “one time use” Toy cards grant dice re-rolls, returns from the dead and other special abilities.

Each turn, the players attempt to complete a “caper.” Each caper is composed of four Challenge cards, each requiring a different skill to succeed. To beat a challenge, the crew member must roll their skill or less on two dice. The best crew (and the best toys) will finish the challenges and complete the caper. This earns that player more loot and more toys. The first player to obtain 10 loot wins.

SPANC is quick-playing, fun, easy to learn game. Anyone who enjoys Steve Jackson games or Phil Foglio comics will love this game, as will anyone with an appreciation of Space Pirates, Amazons, Ninjas and/or Catgirls.

Tags: spanc pirates steve jackson phil foglio .

• Rupert Everett makes a good Sherlock Holmes. I enjoy all the Victorian Era (or close enough at least) medicine and it was nice to see Watson getting his time in the spotlight. Everett was also excellent in The Importance of Being Earnest as well, though they should have left the script as Shaw Wilde had it originally.
• It’s amazing how much cat hair can work its way into a cordless optical mouse. It took me at least an hour to clean it all out.
• I really hate this NASCAR “Race for the Chase” format they started last year. I suspect it also decreases viewership, especially this year when the two biggest names (Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhart Jr) did not make it into the final ten. At least Bobby Labonte did well today.
• I caught The Court Jester last night. I know it’s a classic, but I’d never seen it before. I recognized the voice of the female lead, but couldn’t place her face — then I finally realized where I knew her from: she was the mother in Mary Poppins.
• Thumbs up to both She-Hulk #1 and Dorothy #4.

Today’s Picture Quiz comes from Fantastic Four #33 (John Moore, writer; Salvador Larroca, penciler). In the beginning of this very forgettable story comes this scene where there’s trouble with the Fantasticar and everyone needs to bail out. So…what’s wrong with this panel? Hint #1: Pay attention to what Reed is saying. And then notice what he’s doing. Hint #2: As the (barely readable) caption says, H.A.L.O. stands for High Altitude Low Opening

Produced by Marvel Comics and the Gas Appliance Manufacturers Association, Daredevil vs. Vapora dealt with the dangers of gasoline fumes. This comic starred not only Daredevil but also his alter ego Matt Murdock — meaning that this is probably the only PSA comic featuring a lawyer as a good guy.

Written by Mindy Newell (better known for the Catwoman and Amethyst mini-series) with pencils by Mike Harris (who earned his stripes on Punisher and The ‘Nam), Daredevil vs. Vapora was published in 1995.

This actually is one of the better written PSA comic books, but I just wonder what audience this was aimed at. It’s doubtful that the 1995 ten-and-younger crowd knew who Daredevil was, and Daredevil fans should have (hopefully) already known this information.

Vixen shares a little too much information…

And while Dick makes the questionable decision to fall into bed with an ex-, at least he does it safely

Vixen is from Suicide Squad #11, by John Ostrander and Luke McDonnell.
Dick and Kory are from the recent Outsiders #28, by Judd Winick and Matthew Clark.

Tags: comics medicine vixen starfire

As a child I loved to read about monsters and watch the classic Universal and Hammer horror movies. I could talk for hours about penny dreadfuls, Varney the Vampire and possible origins of lycanthrope. I could name the stars, explain the plots, and describe the special effects of any horror movie made in the fifties or sixties. Despite this love of things scary, there were still a handful of monsters that gave me nightmares as a child. In celebration of Halloween, I’m going to count down my Top 5 Childhood Monsters…

5. Sleestaks
The scariest monsters on TV and the only remotely coole thing to come out of The Land of the Lost. Everything about the Sleestaks scared me, from the way they walked to their sibilant speech. Those glowing skulls were the creepiest though.
With the recent comic book nostalgia boom, I’m surprised (and a little grateful) that there wasn’t a Land of the Lost comic book.