Polite Dissent

By day, Bob Benton is a seemingly normal — and incredibly brilliant — pharmacist who runs his own small drug store. However, whenever evil or danger appears, he becomes the costumed crime-fighter known as the Black Terror. Thanks to “formic ethers” he invented, he has gained heightened strength, speed, agility, and endurance. But even more than that, he has the power of pharmacy.

This is impressive detective work on the Terror’s part. He is able to recognize the exact drug in the pill, despite the fact that it was a specially compounded pill. In other words, this was no mass-produced pill, but instead one that was created from the constituent chemicals by a local pharmacist — no easy to read manufacturer’s markings! That’s why it’s so impressive that the Terror was able to identify the medication just by looking at it and without having to run any tests at all.

Dilantin sodium (more commonly known as just “Dilantin“, or by its generic name “phenytoin“) is a potent anti-seizure drug. It was first discovered in the early 1900s, but it wasn’t until 1938 that its ability to treat seizures was recognized. It was approved by the FDA for epilepsy in 1953, and quickly became one of the main seizure medications because it lacked the severe sedative side effects of previous medications. It is still a common medication for epilepsy today. (This story appeared in 1947, several years before Dilantin was FDA approved, so the Terror is probably correct in referring to it as a “rare drug” — at that point it was, for a few more years anyway).

There has been some evidence over the years to suggest that Dilantin has a role as a psychiatric medication as well; it seems to show both anti-anxiety and mood stabilization properties. It is these anti-anxiety properties that the Terror is referring to, implying that one of the crooks was using it to treat his anxious tic. (For the record, Dilantin has never been FDA approved for these psychiatric conditions.)

Bob Benton tracks down the local pharmacy that made the pills, and the pharmacist helpfully tells him exactly who the pills were for. So much for patient confidentiality. (This may have been before HIPAA, but I suspect sharing such information so freely was at the very least a breach of pharmacist ethics, if not state law). Thanks to the helpful pharmacist, the Black Terror shows up the crooks’ front door step, apprehends them, return the stolen jewelry, and gives the antique chair to the old man. Just another day in the life of a super-pharmacist.

In this scene from Adventure Comics #325, Brainiac 5 spouts some pure Grade-A technobabble. Seriously, this is some of the best (or worst) technobabble that I’ve come across. It rivals anything from acknowledged technobabble master Bob Haney.

While reading this scene, it occurred to me that despite Brainiac 5 being one of the preeminent scientists of the DC universe, this is the first time I can remember him spouting technobabble. I suspect that’s because Brainy never explains why he’s doing things, he just does them — thus no need for explanations or technobabble.

As noted, the panels are from Adventure Comics #325. The artist is John Forte. According to the Grand Comic Database, the writer is Edmond Hamilton; however, the Showcase Presents the Legion of Super-Heroes, Vol 2 (where I scanned it from), lists Jerry Siegel as the author. Regardless, in this scene, Brainiac 5 is trying to help the young Luthor avoid a life of evil — though Brainy doesn’t realize that he is really dealing with an already evil Luthor who has cleverly disguised himself with…a wig.

How do you stay true to the aesthetics of your Egyptian-themed cult while still letting the world know that you’re an eminent scientist?

Easy — just wear a lab coat over your Ten Commandments inspired fetish cult outfit.

scene from Revenge of the Living Monolith (Michelinie, Silvestri)

Before going on a long space voyage or traveling to the 30th century, make sure that you are familiar with the stages of Space Fatigue:

The treatment is positively medieval: trepanation. Basically, the doctors are drilling a hole in the skull to let the bad influences out. Sure, they coach it in terms like “scalpel rays” and “remove the pressure”, but don’t let that fool you — the doctors of this “great medical foundation” of the future are proposing a treatment for Sun Boy right out of prehistoric times.

Of course it could be worse, Sun Boy could be space crazy..

Script by Ben Raab, pencils by Sunny Lee
Today’s example of the psychic nosebleed features Aquaman — or really Aquaboy, as it comes from the Sins of Youth: Aquaboy/Lagoon Man one shot. In this scene, Aquaboy is using his mental-telepathy-with-sea-creatures on the ensorcelled princess Nuada, trying to convince her that she is not an octopus.

All previous Psychic Nosebleed Zen posts

Tags: comics medicine nosebleed aquaman aquaboy sins of youth

After World War II ended and the Invaders disbanded, Spitfire retired and resumed her normal life as Jacqueline Falsworth. Her super-speed powers slowly faded, and over time she became a wife, mother, and then a widow. She appeared in the occasional comic book, generally as an elderly woman recalling her lost hero days. Her most notable cameo was probably in Captain American #253-254 which introduced the third, and current, Union Jack. Then John Byrne’s Namor the Sub-Mariner series came along, and in it, he revisited some of the foes the Invaders fought.

In issues #11 and 12, Master Man and Warrior Woman (the Nazi versions of Captain America) were reborn using some of the Human Torch’s blood (good stuff, that android blood). Namor, who was visiting Germany at the time, tried to stop them but was captured. His cousin Namorita flew off to get help and, ending up in England, encountered Jacqueline Crichton (nee Falsworth). She recruited Union Jack and the three of them headed off to Germany to rescue Namor and the Human Torch.

In the end, Master Man, Warrior Woman, their neo-Nazi gang, and the German scientist who had resurrected them were all defeated, but Jacqueline was gravely wounded in the battle. To save her life, the Human Torch hooked her and himself up to the German transfusion machine, and once more, transfused his blood into Jacqueline. Just like before, the Torch’s blood saved her life and (re-)awakened her speed powers. But it did more this time: it de-aged her back to age 16. (I don’t know if Spitfire has continued to age from 16, as she certainly appears older than that in recent comics, or if the powers-that-be decided that a 16 year-old Spitfire was a little too Lolita, so decided she was just better off as a twenty-something). Some technobabble (courtesy of John Byrne and Hank Pym) was used to explain this all away, but it wasn’t even very good technobabble as the writer seems to give up halfway through.

Spitfire was a super-speedster who first appeared in the pages of The Invaders, a 1970s comic that chronicled the adventures of a team of super-heroes during World War II. In the past few years, she has been seen in Captain America and the Union Jack mini-series. More recently, she has been appearing in Captain Britain and M.I. 13. Her origin story takes place in 1942.

During the events of The Invaders #9, Jacqueline Falsworth was attacked by the vampire Baron Blood — who also just happened to be her uncle, long thought deceased. He drained her blood in order to turn her into a vampire, in part to get revenge on the Falsworth family, but also because he wanted an undead consort¹. The Invaders arrived in time to stop Baron Blood, but Jacqueline had lost a tremendous amount of blood and was in grave danger. She was rushed to the nearest hospital in Invaders #11 ².

The doctors hurried Jacqueline to surgery and were amazed that she sustained that much blood loss from such tiny wounds³. Testing reveals that she has a strange substance in her blood that constantly changed her blood type. This makes transfusion a challenge, and the head doctor laments that Jacqueline cannot receive blood transfusions of any type, even type O⁴.

The Human Torch⁵ enters the operating room and volunteers his own blood; he tells the doctors that he is a true universal donor⁶. The doctors immediately agree⁷ and hook the Torch up to the transfusion equipment.

Jacqueline survives despite her tremendous blood loss, thanks to the incredible amount of blood donated by the Human Torch⁸. Other than merely saving her life, the Human Torch’s android blood somehow combined with the vampire proteins of Baron Blood that were already in her system to grant her super speed⁹, powers she used to become the super-heroine Spitfire.

NOTES:
1. I know vampire stories are supposed to represent some “forbidden” component of sexuality, but your own niece as a consort? That’s just creepy.
2. It didn’t really take 2 issues for the Invaders to find a hospital — there was an intervening fill-in reprint issue.
3. If I were a vampire, I would bite the neck vertically, along the blood vessels, not horizontally where you’re guaranteed to miss with at least one of your fangs.
4. Blood type is based on which proteins are present on the membrane of person’s red blood cells. Type A has A proteins, Type B has B proteins, Type AB has A and B proteins, and Type O has neither A nor B proteins. For Jacqueline’s blood to keep switching blood types would mean that these proteins must be constantly changing, and the body simply does not work that fast. Even if her blood type were constantly switching, she should still be able to receive a transfusion of Type O blood . It could be that there is some vampire antibody in her system that reacts against any human blood type — that makes the most sense, though it doesn’t really “change” her blood type.

5. This is the original Human Torch, an android. Not the Human Torch who is a member of the Fantastic Four.
6. The last time the Human Torch gave blood, it was described as “live fire” and required asbestos tubing. I guess he’s mellowed out since then.
7. Apparently, the doctors just take his word for it since they don’t run any tests on him.
8. If the Human Torch’s blood is that good, and he can produce so much of it, surely he could save more lives by donating it to blood blanks than by acting as a super-hero. There are other super-heroes to fill in on the Invaders, but only one blood producing android.
9. For those keeping track at home, like all previous super power giving transfusions, this was a whole blood transfusion (as much as androids have “whole blood”).

All images are from Invaders #11 by Roy Thomas and Frank Robbins

Other Comic Book Transfusions

Scene from Invaders #14 by Roy Thomas and Frank Robbins

They shot innocent doctors who were just trying to help.

In this scene from Flash #100 (the conclusion of the excellent Terminal Velocity storyline), Jesse Quick is telling Jay Garrick about her sidelining injury. As a bonus, I’ve thrown in a view of the actual injury from the previous issue.

What’s wrong with this scene?

(This one’s easy, so no hints…well, except for the one I’ve already given…)

Previous picture quizzes

Third year of medical school was divided into 3 “minor rotations” of 2 months each and 2 “major rotations” of 3 months each. The minors were OB/Gyn, Pediatrics, and Psychiatry. The majors were internal medicine and surgery. Surgery was then further divided into the A, B, and C courses. These essentially broke down as follows: A level was designed for students who knew that they wanted to be surgeons. It consisted of long hours, but offered the most chance of hands-on work and getting to know the right surgeons. B level was for students who were considering surgery as career choice, but hadn’t made up their mind yet. It still had a lot of hands-on opportunities, but it wasn’t quite as grueling as the A level courses. It also had more of the “romantic” aspects of surgery (trauma! transplant!) designed to sweep students off their feet. Finally, there were the C level courses. These were for students who were already certain that they weren’t going into surgery. Supposedly, it wasn’t as labor intensive as the A and B levels, and had more general interest rotations. By this time, I had already decided on Family Practice, and while I found surgery fascinating, I knew it wasn’t for me, so I went straight for the C level courses.

My three months of surgery consisted of, in no particular order: one month of Pediatric Surgery (rather boring; bland attendings and residents), one month of General Surgery at the VA (easily the worst month of my life, ever. We were horribly understaffed and the residents were as unhappy to be there as we were, and took it out on us.), two weeks of ENT (fun, but then I already knew all the attending and residents from bartending their Christmas party. But that’s another story), and two weeks of Vascular Surgery. Vascular was probably my favorite rotation. It consisted of two attendings, one resident, and me. They were very happy to teach and respected the fact that I was going into Family Practice. They went out of their way to make sure that I learned the aspects of vascular surgery that would be important in primary care.

That was a long set up for a very short story…

It was in a Vascular Surgery case that I was given my first chance to suture a patient all by myself. We were performing a carotid endarterectomy, and had used part of the saphenous vein for the procedure. While the surgeon was finishing up in the neck, he looked over to me and said, “Scott, why don’t you close up the leg incision?”

“Sure!” I said, almost confidently. A nurse handed me the proper gear and some suture and I got started. At the far end of incision, I threw in a stitch, tied a knot, and then worked my way up the incision, one subcuticular stitch at a time. Subcuticular stitches are done just under the skin and use absorbable suture, so they don’t have to be removed; they dissolve away on their own. It’s a zig-zag style of suturing, and the trick is getting the two sides to line up.

I was being extremely careful, making sure that both sides lined up, and ensuring that I did everything “by the book.” The end result, if I do say so myself, looked pretty good. Sure, one end was a little dog-eared, but the surgeon didn’t seem to mind (“Just throw a steri-strip on there!”). However, when I tied the final knot, I looked up and realized that the main surgery was long over and the entire surgical team had been watching me — for the past hour. Yes, it took me well over an hour to sew up what amounted to little more than a 4-inch incision. I was mortified. The surgical team were all good sports about it, but I was sure I had just flunked my rotation.

The surgeon gave me another chance to suture the next day, so I probably wasn’t as bad as I remember — or maybe I was, and he thought I needed all the experience I could get. Either way, he gave me a good grade at the end, so I like to think I finished the rotation with some decent suturing skills (though I haven’t use subcuticular stitches much since).

New Warriors #22 “Nothing But the Truth, part one”

If Chord is breathing through a tracheostomy, why does he need a nasal cannula (and an incorrectly drawn one at that)?

New Warriors #25 “Nothing But the Truth, part four”

Sodium Thiopental, also known as Pentothal, is a barbituate best known as a “truth serum.” It is most commonly used in medicine to induce anesthesia. The maximum dose is around 100MG (depending on the patient’s weight and age. Frail little old ladies are on the lower side of the dosing schedule).

In other words, Silhouette has just delivered a dose of Sodium Thiopental at least twenty times higher than the maximum dose. Despite what Night Thrasher states in the next panel (not shown — find your own copy), that is a lethal dose. Nice going Silhouetter, you just poisoned your own grandmother (though to be fair, she did try to blow you up a few issues earlier).

Both issues were written by Fabian Nicieza and penciled by Mark Bagley

Here’s Vance Astrovik, then known as Marvel Boy, now known as Justice, showing that he’s got a problem with the psychic nosebleeds as well — not to mention a little psychic otorrhagia as well. (These panels are all from New Warriors #3 (first series), by Nicieza and Bagley.)

Justice has got to be one of the most milquetoast and boring of all superheroes. He’s the Chevy Cavalier of the super-hero set. Even Kurt Busiek couldn’t make him interesting.

All previous Psychic Nosebleed Zen posts

Otorrhagia — bleeding from the ear canal — seems to be a recurrent theme in recent comics. It’s been showing up for at least twenty years, but it seems to have become more common lately.

Otorrhagia is not a very common symptom; I see maybe one or two cases a year (and most of those are self-inflicted Q-tip-related trauma). There are a variety of causes, including (in no particular order): basal skull fracture, trauma to the ear canal, tumors of the auditory canal, certain aneurysms, infections of the ear canal, and ruptured ear drums (especially from barotrauma – i.e. pressure).

Comic books add several more causes of otorrhagia:
1. Psychic attack
Not as common as the psychic nosebleed, which it usually accompanies. Here is a classic example of the psychic ear bleed, from the X-Men graphic novel God Loves Man Kills.

2. Sonic bombardment
Another common cause of comic book otorrhagia.
This example is from Cyborg #2

3. Extreme Vertigo.
Poor Invincible, not only does he have so dizzy he can’t think straight, but his ears are bleeding. It turns out the vertigo is caused by an implant in his ear, so that could be the cause of the bleeding (but if that’s the case then the surgeon who put it in should lose his license for sloppiness). Neither can explain the nosebleed he gets a few panels later though.

4. Possession/Reincarnation by a New God.
I’m not sure what the proper term is in this case, but whatever it is, Turpin’s ear is bleeding pretty heavily (from Final Crisis #2).

How good a diagnostician are you? Using the provided history and physical exam details, will you be able to provide the correct diagnosis for these three patients?

(Case studies #1 and 2, along with a brief explanation, can be found in the previous post “The Art of Differential Diagnosis in a Super-Hero World“)

In the early 1990, Captain America writer Mark Gruenwald announced that wanted to examine the world of drug addiction through the eyes of Captain America, a super-hero who required a drug to gain his powers. This became the Streets of Poison storyline and ran in issues 372-378 of the title.

In the first issue of the storyline, Captain America was caught in a drug lab explosion. Somehow, the methamphetamine from the explosion bonded to the Super Soldier Serum already in his blood to create a dangerous new drug. This drug made Cap extremely savage and violent. He became paranoid and ultimately started to hallucinate; he became unable to differentiate friend and foe. In the end, it took direct blast from Black Widow to his skull to bring him down.

Hank Pym was called in to assess the situation and he realized that if Captain America weren’t treated quickly, he would die. The only solution he could devise was an exchange transfusion — drain all of Cap’s contaminated blood and replace it with fresh donated blood. It would remove the toxins, but it would also remove the Super Soldier Serum. In other words, it would save Captain America’s life, but remove all his super powers. After suffering repeated nightmares and hallucinations about his drug use, Captain American agrees to the plan.

Streets of Poison was a good storyline for the first two-thirds of its run. The last third came on a little too strong with the anti-drug message, to the point of suggesting that any drug was bad. For instance, in the final issue when Hank Pym tells Cap that he has successfully cleaned all the toxin out of his blood and can transfuse it back into him again — the Super Soldier Serum intact — Cap refuses, telling Pym that he doesn’t need a drug to be a hero. The storyline then ends on a “Just Say No” joke.

It actually all ends up being a moot point. A few issues later, it is quietly explained the Super Soldier Serum and other treatments Captain America endured have permanently changed his DNA and his body now produces its own supply of the serum. And thus Captain America’s powers, and drug use, softly slipped back into the comic.

A previous post on Streets of Poison and other comic book exchange transfusions

scene from Rex Mundi #14 (by Arvid Nelson and Juan Ferreyra)
Rex Mundi is set in 1934, but in a world that has seen a history subtly different from our own. Part of the fun of the series for me has been trying to discover exactly where and how the timelines diverge (not to mention the comic features a lead character who is a physician, always a plus in my mind).

But history is not the only thing that is different. In Rex Mundi, sorcery exists, although it is very rare. It also seems to exact a price, as shown here by Isabelle, estranged daughter of the Duke of Lorraine.

All previous Nosebleed Zen posts

Freeze Pills

vs.

Anti-Freeze Pills

scenes from Adventure Comics #303 and Avengers #14

Yet another threat we family doctors routinely face: rabid dogs.

Scene from Ultimate Origins #1. Script by Brian Michael Bendis, art by Butch Guice

The scientist in this scene — and Bendis, by extension — have just enough knowledge of biology to get almost everything painfully wrong. Let me just hit the highlights — feel free to chime in with your own thoughts (the full scene can be found here).

1. Genomes and genes are two different things; they are not interchangeable terms. A genome is a set of an organism’s genetic material. A gene is a sequence of DNA that codes for a particular protein or product.

2. Genealogy is a different field of study.
3. There is no official “pure strain” human genome used as a standard — each person is a little different genetically from every other person** — who’s to say who is “normal” and who is a “mutant”?
4. He seems to be suggesting the there is a single mutant gene that has variable expression (this last point isn’t about an error in the scene, just an interesting observation).

In Nightwing, the Mother of Champions (a Chinese super-hero who gives birth to “litters” of super-powered children every few days) has been kidnapped by Talia Al Ghul so that she can raise her own super-powered army. To make the process even more efficient, one of Talia’s (mad) scientists explains the the plan.

Chemicals that induce labor? We have them now: Pitocin (oxytocin) — it’s commonly used by obstetricians for induction of labor. It induces labor by stimulating contractions, which brings me around to the point that you can’t have labor without having contractions.

How can a chemical “mimic” contractions? And even if it could, what good would it do? The muscular contractions of the uterus are what propels the baby along and through the birth canal. If you mimicked contractions there would be no real pushing (just “mimicking”), and thus no delivery. I’m pretty sure that this would actually slow the process down.

Of course, we’re talking about a woman who gives birth to dozens of children every few days, which means that any legitimate obstetrics and medicine is out the window. I really think that this is one of those concepts that was better left unexplained.

Scene from Nightwing #145 (script by Tomasi, pencils by Morales)

Nightwing #145 “Freefall”
Peter J. Tomasi, writer
Rags Morales, penciler

At the end of the Resurrection of Ra’s Al Ghul storyline, Al Ghul had been defeated by Batman and locked in Arkham Asylum. Batman had the asylum staff convinced that Al Ghul was a dangerously psychotic schizophrenic who required constant heavy sedation with multiple drugs. This way Batman figured it would be a long time before Al Ghul was a threat to anyone again. This may come as a surprise — but he was wrong.

In the recent Nightwing #145, Al Ghul surreptitiously grabs a pen dropped by a guard and uses it to lacerate his “brachial, ulnar, and radial arteries.” By the time the wounds are noticed, he’s already lost a tremendous amount of blood. The doctors at Arkham work feverishly to fix the lacerations and stop the bleeding, and they pump Al Ghul full of multiple units of blood to replace what he has bled out. This basically acts as an exchange transfusion. His drug-tainted blood has been lost and been replaced with fresh blood, eliminating the psychiatric drugs from his system. This allows Al Ghul to overcome the residual effects of the medication, slay the helpful doctors and nurses, and escape Arkham.

I give full credit to Al Ghul (and to writer Tomasi) for developing such a fiendishly clever plan. Assuming one ignores that fact that Al Ghul would have been too drugged up to conceive it — let alone carry it out — the plan should work well. The blood he lost would have been the blood carrying whatever drugs he’d been given, and the new blood transfused into him would have been drug free. For all intents and purposes, this would have purged the sedatives from his system — though probably not as fast as shown in the comic.

Al Ghul’s exchange transfusion plan wouldn’t work for every drug. For instance, drugs that are strongly bound to their receptors are likely to stay bound even with a transfusion. Additionally, drugs that are injected into the muscle and then slowly absorbed by the body (Depo Provera or Depo Medrol, for example), would see their levels drop right after the transfusion and then build back up as more drug is released into the circulation. Neither of these seem to apply in this case. While it’s never clear exactly what drugs Al Ghul has been given, the guards mention that he’s receiving them five times a day, suggesting that they are very short acting and should flush from his system quickly in an exchange transfusion.

A few nit-picks:
The brachial artery splits into the radial and ulnar artery, so it seems a bit redundant for Al Ghul to cut all three.

You don’t suture with your hands, you use instruments. But that could explain why the doctor seems to be so slow. He should have been long finished with his suturing by the time the seventh unit is transfused. Then again, he’s probably a psychiatrist who hasn’t sutured since medical school.

If the patient has lost that much blood, there should be multiple IVs running, not just a single bag of blood.

A unit of blood is 450cc. It looks like the nurse is just hanging the seventh unit, so he should have received only 2.7 liters by then, not 5.6

There are 5 liters of blood in the human body. That means it takes just over 11 units to completely replace someone’s blood. The doctor should have repaired the wounds in time for some of Al Ghul’s blood to remain, so he shouldn’t have needed the full 11 units (meaning some of the sedative would still be in his system, just very less concentrated). On the other hand, the doctor is clearly very slow, so Al Ghul might have needed more than the 11 units if he was still bleeding while they were transfusing more in.

What kind of asylum has their own blood bank? Wait, no need to answer that, it’s Arkham.

More Comic Book Transfusions

In the recent Venture Bros. episode “The Doctor is Sin,” necromancer Dr. Orpheus is trying to read the mind of the mysterious Dr. Killinger. Not only did Dr. Orpheus’s attempt fail, but he ended up with quite a substantial nosebleed of the psychic variety as well.

You can watch the episode in its entirety here.

This week’s moment of psychic nosebleed zen was suggested by the inimitable PTOR.

All previous Psychic Nosebleed Zen posts

I was getting some ice from the break room and one of the receptionist was reading about Nikki McKibbin (an ex-American Idol finalist, apparently) who will be appearing on the upcoming season of Celebrity [sic] Rehab [sic] with Dr. Drew. “That’s sad,” I said as I walked by. “Yes,” the receptionist agreed. “Poor girl, she must be addicted to something nasty.” “No, not that. She’s got a bad case of Tinea Versicolor — I can’t believe her publicist let her go out like that. See all those white spots on her shoulder and chest? That’s a fungal infection. She should have had that treated — or at least covered up — before she went got herself photographed.”

The good old days: when mad scientists could concoct evil drugs and schemes in their own basement labs. Nowadays, it seems to take at least a university lab — more commonly an entire industrial chemical research lab — just to create one marketable evil drug. Just ask Norman Osborne (especially the “Ultimate” version) — how many scientists did he have working for him?

In this scene from Detective Comics #61 (March 1942), an unnamed mad scientist has discovered a drug that makes people lazy. How lazy? So lazy that victims will be too tired to eat and will starve themselves to death. Like any good mad scientist, he has a scheme to make money off his drug (money which will be used for more mad science — that’s how the cycle works). He slips some of his drug to an important corporate leader, and then extorts money from his corporation or he won’t provide the antidote (and isn’t it nice how mad scientists always take the time to concoct an antidote?)

Unfortunately, the scientist chose the wrong company this time: a company where Bruce Wayne was sitting on the board of directors. As the scientist left, Wayne switched into his Batman persona and followed him back to his lab. In the scuffle that followed, the scientist managed to get the upper hand and forced Batman to drink his lazy drug. It worked just as promised:

Batman: Suddenly feel tired — lazy — need a vacation from fighting crooks — out to take a month fishing. Sooo tired — think I’ll take a nap…

Batman didn’t succumb as quickly as the mad scientist expected though, and he was able to secretly signal Robin, who managed to knock out the scientist and find the antidote for Batman (and presumably the CEO, though that was never mentioned). The fate of remaining supplies of the lazy drug was never mentioned either. I suspect that it’s still around. The next time you feel like staying in bed all morning and lazing the day away it just might be because somebody slipped you the lazy drug…

Another subtext laden post, just from a different point of view this time.

Cub Reporter Jimmy Olsen is denied entrance to the Bearded Band — a mysterious club only open to men with beards — because he lacks a beard (well, he tried to sneak in with a fake beard, but it was quickly exposed). As he slinks away, a strange bearded man accosts him and offers him a bottle of special beard tonic. Jimmy chugs the strange brew¹ and starts growing a thick beard almost immediately².

Jimmy attends the next Beard Band meeting and discovers that he’s been tricked. The beard tonic is real — but it is far too strong. His beard will keep growing, five or six feet per day, unless he receives the antidote. And the club members will only provide the antidote if Jimmy makes several public appearances across town, proudly displaying his new beard³.

Jimmy tries his best to uphold his end of the bargain, but he keeps getting his beard cut off through no fault of his own⁴ — simply bad luck. Angry, the club members destroy the antidote so that Jimmy will always be bearded. Then they proceed with “Operation Whiskers” — their plan to brew a huge amount of the beard tonic and pour it in Metropolis’s water supply. Thanks to more bad luck from Jimmy, their plan backfires and the beard tonic ends up turning into the very antidote they had earlier destroyed. Unaware of this, they all take a swig of the concoction and everyone — including Jimmy — suddenly loses their beards⁵. Superman appears and destroys the equipment so the members of the club can never brew their tonic again⁶. No more beards for the Beard Band (or Jimmy Olsen).

Notes:
1. Did Jimmy ever meet a potion, tonic, or medicine he didn’t sample?
2. It’s impressive the way the tonic only affects facial hair, and not scalp hair or other body hair. Of course, that’s probably a good thing or Jimmy would have ended up looking like Cousin Itt.
3. The Beard Band are under the impression that these public appearances will increase the popularity of beards. Why? He’s just a bowtie-wearing cub reporter at one of several newspapers in town. Why would men of distinction follow his example? If anything, I think it would make men who already had beards want to shave them off.
4. For the record, his beard is sliced off with a sickle, burned off while cooking lunch, shot off during a robbery, and cut off and used as a means of escape from quicksand — which is apparently common around Metropolis.
5. It’s not really an “antidote” if it caused everyone to lose their beards; more of a facial depilatory.
6. Or at least until they buy more equipment.

Source: Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen #23, “Jimmy Olsen, The Bearded Boy,” by Otto Binder and Curt Swan. It’s actually quite a fun story, one of the better Jimmy Olsen/mad science tales.

One by one, all the female members of the Legion of Super-Heroes fall ill and collapse. Even Night Girl, who goes to help them, succumbs to the same malady. Mon-El announces that they all have a mysterious “Crimson Virus” and that there is no known cure¹. Worried that the infection may spread, the male legionnaires ship all their female members off to “Quarantine World” — but not before doing their best to cheer them up:

A short time later, a masked woman calling herself Satan Girl shows up and offers to join the Legion. When she is turned down, she announces that she is the one who made all the women sick, and now — out of spite — she’s going to kill them. She heads off to Quarantine World to finish the job. Luckily, Supergirl arrives at that moment, discovers what has been happening, and heads off to stop Satan Girl. She arrives just in time and a vicious battle erupts. Surprisingly, Satan Girl is am equal match for Super Girl and manages to escape, but not before swearing to return:

The sick Legionnaires are moved to another planet³ and then another to hide them from Satan Girl, but she always manages to find them. Supergirl sets traps for her nemesis, but they are always avoided or ineffectual. In the end, Satan Girl manages to defeat Supergirl by burying her under green kryptonite.

Overconfident, she turns on the male Legionnaires but is defeated by the Legion of Super-Pets⁴ — and then the truth is revealed. Satan Girl is really an evil double of Supergirl that split off when Supergirl unknowing collided with a red kryptonite meteor. The evil double knew she only had 48 hours to live unless she could somehow rid herself of the red kryptonite radiation. She was able to project the radiation into the female super-heroes, causing their illness. But now her 48 hours are up and she fades away to be absorbed by the original Supergirl. With Satan Girl gone, the “Crimson Virus” vanishes and all the Legionnaires are instantaneously cured⁵.

Notes:
1. There is never any actual virus in this storyline, so why is Mon-el so adamant that the disease was caused by the Crimson Virus? In fact, it turns out not to be an infectious disease at all.

2. It would have been a better story if she had brought Doom, and then they played video games all night long. But then Jack Thompson would have blamed them for the rising violence among Khund children and it would have all gone downhill from there.

3. One of the planets seems to be inhabited entirely by Madballs.

4. That would be Krypto (the Super-Dog), Streaky (the Super-Cat), Comet (the Super-Horse), and Beppo (the Super-Chimp).

5. Despite being 1000 years in the future, the Legionnaires sure have some dismal medical care. Sure they have fourth dimensional surgery, but when you get down to it, that’s actually pretty backwards. An earlier issue showed that they keep a powerful healing urn stored in a museum — why not actually use it? This is what happens when you have a Coluan who thinks that he’s a doctor.

Source: Adventure Comics #313, “The Condemned Legionnaires,” by Edmond Hamilton and Curt Swan

Other colorful comic book diseases: Black Flu, Green Plague (1), Green Plague (2), Purple Plague, Red Rain, and Scarlet Jungle Fever.

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