Polite Dissent

To qualify for this list you need to be female sword-slinger whose adventures have appeared primarily as short stories, novellas, and novels. In addition, I’m looking for characters with staying power: there are a number of good female characters who have appeared in a single story, but I want to focus on those who have appeared in a number of books or stories.

My top three are pretty much written in stone. They may not be everyone’s top three, but they better be in everyone’s list of five. If not, well, you’re wrong and you should come back after you’ve thought things over and admitted your mistake.

Numbers four and five are certainly open for debate, though.

Honorary mentions:
Jame (P.C. Hodgell), Kerowyn (Mercedes Lackey), and I’m sure there’s a swordwoman somewhere among Bradley’s Darkover novels.

The top five Robert E. Howard characters, presented in order of preference.

1. Solomon Kane
A puritan who obsessively fights evil, armed with only a sword, musket, and his unwavering sense of righteousness. His stories tend toward a darker, grimmer view of the world. Kane has the best sense of style of any literary swordsman — I always played the Witch Hunter character in Warhammer Quest because he is clearly Solomon Kane. The best story is Red Shadows, where Kane travels the world tracking down the killer of a girl he never even knew. (Wikipedia link: Solomon Kane)

2. El Borak
Francis Xavier Gordon was a Texas gunfighter and adventurer who settled among the tribes of Afghanistan and had adventures among the deserts and mountains of Asia. Think Lawrence of Arabia combined with Captain Blood. The best story: Hawk of the Hills. (Wikipedia link: El Borak)

3. Kull
Not to be confused with Krull (and I like to forget the Kevin Sorbo movie ever happened). There were only a few Kull stories, but they were all good. The best: The Shadow Kingdom. (Wikipedia link: Kull)

4. Conan
The best known of Robert E. Howard’s characters. Truly, there have been some great Conan stories, but he also has his share of stories that are just okay, and that’s what marks him down in my eyes (and I’m only counting Howard’s stories; not the lesser Conan stories written by Lin Carter or Robert Jordan or others). My favorite: Red Nails. (Wikipedia link: Conan)

5. Bran Mak Morn
A darker series of tales. Bran Mak Morn is the last king of the Picts, a degenerate and dying race. The best story: Worms of the Earth. (Wikipedia link: Bran Mak Morn)

Solomon Kane	El Borak

Comics:
Most of these characters have appeared in comics at one time or another.
Solomon Kane appeared in an adaptation of Red Shadows in Marvel Premiere #33-34 in 1976, then had a six-issue mini-series from Marvel in the mid-eighties that featured adaptations of existing stories as well as new stories (and some nice Brett Blevins art). A new mini-series from Dark Horse has just started, and so far, seems good.
Conan has appeared in numerous comics published by Marvel and Dark Horse, the majority of which have been quite good.
Kull appeared in a handful of Marvel books in the ’70s and ’80s. I haven’t read them, so I can’t vouch for their quality. Dark Horse has a new Kull series coming out soon.
Bran Mak Morn appeared in several issues of the Savage Sword of Conan in the ’70s. Dark Horse published a two issue adaptation of Kings of the Night in the mid-’80s. It was not their best work.
To the best of my knowledge, El Borak has never appeared in the comics.

script by Eddie Campbell and Darren White, art by Bart Sears

What’s the error in this scene from Legends of the Dark Knight #200?

I reviewed this issue when it first came out, and other than some geographic/medication concerns, I was impressed by it. Now that it has been re-released as the final part of the Batman: Going Sane TPB, the time seemed right to take another look at it — and I’m afraid that I was overly generous in my initial assessment. Expect that mistake to be remedied shortly.

Previous picture quizzes

With all the recent discussion of animal-based serums, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention one of the greatest stories ever about such a concoction: Stanley Weinbaum’s The Adaptive Ultimate.

It’s not a comic book story, but instead a classic pulp science fiction short story from 1935. The setup is simple: a scientist creates a serum from drosophila (the fruit fly), knowing it is one of the most adaptive animals in the world. He and his partner inject the serum into a dying woman, figuring it is her last chance of survival. The patient not only survives, but she thrives in ways the scientists could have never predicted. The rest of the story deals with what happens with a woman who has the ability to literally adapt to anything.

Stanley Weinbaum, sadly, is a mostly forgotten science fiction writer from the 1930s. He died young, only 18 months after publishing his first story, so didn’t have the chance to produce many stories. He may have only written a handful of stories, but they’re all well worth reading. From the medical science point of view, Parasite Planet and Redemption Cairn are the most interesting. The planet Venus is the setting of Parasite Planet — Weinbaum’s Venus is a jungle world so virulent that any living flesh exposed to the air for more than a second or two develops a score of deadly infections. At the other end of the spectrum, Redemption Cairn takes place on Europa, a world where there is no microscopic lifeforms, so there is no risk of infection at all.

Other favorite stories of mine include Mad Moon, Shifting Seas, and A Martian Odyssey, probably his best known story.

The Adaptive Ultimate is available from Project Guttenberg (the Australian site anyway — I suspect it may not quite be public domain in the U.S. yet). Take a few minutes and read it, if you never have.

I also strongly recommend you pick The Best of Stanley Weinbaum, a 1974 collection of his works, including all the stories I mentioned above, available fairly inexpensively on Amazon and eBay.

One of my favorite science-fiction authors has always been the late Clifford D. Simak who wrote a number of great stories and novels from the late thirties until his death in 1988. I have a pretty good collection of his books, often several editions of the same novel, but the ones published during the sixties and seventies are my favorite. First, they have that “old book smell” that I just associate with good science fiction, mostly thanks to spending a large portion of my teen years perusing used book stores. Second, they all have eye-catchingly surreal covers that just fascinate me. The covers have nothing to do with the actual novels inside, but they are so wonderfully bizarre, they trap the eye and I end up more interested in the book than I would be with standard scene-style covers.

Here are three of his books from that era: Time is the Simplest Thing, Destiny Doll, and my favorite, The Goblin Reservation

Time is the Simplest Thing Crest Books, 1964	Destiny Doll Berkley, November 1975	The Goblin Reservation Berkley, March 1969
All books by Clifford D. Simak, all covers by Richard M. Powers

Time to take a look at the list of best-selling book in the Marvel Universe:

Fiction
1. My Husband the Skrull
Judith thought she had the perfect marriage, but then the truth came out: not only was her husband seeing other people, he was other people.

2. How Green Was My Jury
In her third book, ace attorney Suzanne Grey takes on the Crass Corporation, accused of poisoning an entire town with toxic gamma radioactive waste.

3. Un-Registered Love
He was an vigilante who refused to register, she was the government agent designed to hunt him down. Could the love they once shared survive this tumultuous time?

4. Secret Agent Spencer: Death Wears a Cape
In his eighth book, the world’s top secret agent Blaze Spencer takes on a crazed serial killer who was once a teen-aged sidekick.

5. Superheroe$ Wive$
Being the wife of a famous super-hero isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, discovered Tess, the young wife of Mr. Patriot. She soon learned the sordid details of what really goes on behind closed doors at “team meetings.”

Non-Fiction
1. Iron Man’s Fascism is Fun Children’s Activity Book
Now in its 17th printing, this exciting coloring book allows children to understand why it is important to do everything the government asks without question.

2. The Champion’s Order’s Guide to Trademark Protection
Tired of your once protected trademarks expiring? This book will tell you how to keep trademarks forever and ever. Endorsed by Disney.

3. So Your Neighbor is an Un-Registered Vigilante
Learn how to turn in your neighbors, family, and friends for fund and profit. Sold in sets with The Field Guide to Registered Super-Heroes.

4. Doc Samson’s Guide to Cooking Lean and Staying Clean
Eat healthy and think healthy thanks to America’s favorite super-hero psychiatrist.

5. The Wit and Wisdom of Penance
Pamphlet. Large Print.

Lloyd Alexander died on May 17th. Growing up, he was my preferred sword and sorcery writer with his Prydain Chronicles (The Book of Three, The Black Cauldron, The Castle of Llyr, Taran Wanderer, and The High King). If you haven’t read his books, start with The Book of Three and go from there. Try to find the editions from the 1990s with the wonderful Jody Lee covers.

Thanks to medical science, classic literature, and comic books, we’re nearing the point where we can say we have a disease named for every color of the rainbow. Just a few more years…

• Black Flu
  Disease that killed many of the first-generation underwater Atlanteans. From Atlantis Chronicles #2
• Black Death
  The Bubonic Plague
• Green Plague
  Condition that killed many Kryptonians prior to the destruction of Krypton. From Superman: Man of Steel #1
• Red Death
  From Edgar Allan Poe’s The Masque of the Red Death
• Red Rain
  A weaponized form of Group A Streptococcus. From Avengers #65-70
• Yellow Fever
  A mosquito-borne disease of the tropics

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Speaking of diseases, here’s a couple of interesting disease-related links:

• Damn Interesting had a recent article on the Sleeping Sickness, a weird condition/disease that struck down may people from 1916 into the 1920s. Fans of Sandman will remember that this disease makes up an important part of the plot of The Dolls House (and to a lesser extent, the first story arc as well). It also plays a role in the book and movie Awakenings.
• A list of major epidemics, from Wikipedia.

Tags: comics medicine books plague epidemic

• I finally saw that television commercial for the Kawasaki Ninja agin. The tagline is “It’s hard to stay unnoticed.” That pretty much contradicts the whole idea of “ninja.”
• As an example of Kyle Busch saying stupid things:
  Interviewed after yesterday’s race, Busch smugly stated that he beat Greg Biffle again (Biffle finished second to Busch in both of Busch’s wins) and that maybe someday Biffle would be able to beat him. He seems to have forgotten that Biffle has won 5 races this season, so by definition, Biffle has already beaten him five times.
• Busch first caught my attention last year when he was still a driver in the Busch Series. He was proud that he had his blood type embroidered on his uniform in case there was a crash. Sorry Kyle, but it doesn’t work that way. If there’s an accident, the odds are that your clothes will be cut away long before anyone thinks to look there for your blood type. And why would they look there in the first place? Anyway, why would the hospital trust what your clothes say anyway? In an emergency they’re going to run Type O blood until the Type and Cross comes back.
• Two thumbs up for the Hillary Duff as Anne Frank sketch on Robot Chicken. That was hilarious.
• I’ve been enjoying MonkeyBrain Books recently. I just finished Matt Rossi’s (of Howling Curmudgeons fame) book Things That Never Were (two thumbs up) and Jess Nevin’s The Encyclopedia of Fantastic Victoriana just arrived in the mail today and I look forward to digging into the impressive looking hardback.
• Pet peeve of the day: website that automatically start playing sound files. And it’s never ever good music.
• Was the recent Green Arrow #53 the first mention of an experimental serum being involved in the origin of Solomon Grundy, or had that unfortunate ret-con been mentioned before?

I managed to catch up on a great deal of reading while on vacations. No medical journals, no comic books — just traditional books — of both the honest pleasure and guilty-pleasure variety.

• My Name is Legion by Roger Zelazny.
  An old science-fiction gem by Zelazny, this book is a collection of three novelette-length stories featuring a hero who has dropped out of the over-computerized future society and become an investigator for hire.
• To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis.
  A fun book that takes on time travel, cats, dogs and Victorian England. Some of the plot point are a little to obvious (did anyone not know where the cat was — or who Mr. C would end up being?), but half the fun is seeing how Willis works these points into the seamless narrative.
• The Big U by Neal Stephenson.
  Stephenson’s first novel, hard to find, but worth reading. Not as dense as some of his recent novels, but the multilayered plot is undeniably his. Snow Crash is still my favorite.
• The DaVinci Code
  Digital Fortress
  Deception Point by Dan Brown
  After reading these books, and previously having read Angels & Demons, Iam convinced that Dan Brown has only written one book — he’s just written it four times: An intellectual is asked for assistance on a dramatic problem and then finds himself (or herself) in the middle of an intricate scheme. The love interest, another brilliant intellectual, also becomes embroiled in the plot. The antagonist controlling the entire conspiracy, originally hidden from view, is revealed to be a close friend or mentor who is not really evil, just misguided.
• The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove
  The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore
  Two short novels involving the California town of Pine Cove. Despite some memorable characters (particularly Sheriff Theo Crowe and ex-scream queen Molly Michon) and a few laugh out loud moments, these books pale beside Moore’s better novels (in particular I like Coyote Blue and Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story).
• The Dain Curse
  The Glass Key by Dashiell Hammett
  Two crime noir classics. The Dain Curse reminded me a great deal of Wilkie Collins’s The Moonstone because of the faint supernatural overtones. The politics and political machine featured in The Glass Key dates the book a little, but the intrigue is still quite clever.
• Back Story by Robert Parker
  You can never go wrong with Spencer and Hawk.

H. Beam Piper was a science fiction writer who published in the late 1940s, 50s and early 60s until his death in 1964. Some of his best known stories include the Little Fuzzy series (despite the name, an excellent adult series) and the Paratime tales. Both of these sets of stories have been collected recently into nice thick omnibus editions. Most of his works can be found inexpensively at used book stores and on eBay.

Piper was an excellent historian and incorporated a great deal of historical information into his science fiction stories. He believed that certain patterns develop through history, and he incorporated this belief into his works. Many of his stories and novels were futurist versions of historical events including the Sepoy Mutinee in India (The Uller Uprising) and the Cargo Cults that formed on isolated islands following World War II (Cosmic Computer).

Piper was also one of the first science fiction writers to develop a “future history” spanning thousands of years. Each story and novel ties into this history. For instance, the Little Fuzzy series occurs early in this future history during the Federation Era – a time period analogous to the discovery and exploitation of the New World in the 16 and 17th centuries. Later stories deal with periods of empire and anarchy.

Space Viking takes place in one of these periods of anarchy. The Federation has collapsed, leaving planets isolated at the edge of the galaxy. A few of these planets have been able to preserve their culture and technology but most have fallen into barbarism. Groups of interstellar raiders (the Space Vikings) have also appeared, plundering some of the more isolated planets for technology and riche.

The planet Gram has done well since the collapse. It has actually prospered and managed to keep in contact with some of the nearby planets including Excalibur, Morglay and Durendal. A leading figure on Gram, Lucas Trask is a powerful man, but also a man haunted by the murder of his wife. He funds and later joins a raiding ship in the hopes of tracking down his wife’s murderer. Much to his surprise, he finds himself enjoying the “Space Viking” life and he quickly realizes that there is more to the galaxy than his sheltered planet. His band joins with other raiders and other planets, and the first glimpse of a new interstellar government is formed.

Space Viking is an adventure story with a hard science fiction edge. As with most of Piper’s writings, there is an underlying political message as well as some hidden history lessons. As the title suggests, this book traces much of its genesis to the Viking raids on Europe in the years after the fall of the Roman Empire. There are also strains of Weimar Republic Germany thrown in for good measure. There’s a little romance too.

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For those of you who grew up playing the original Traveller, look at the names of the planets mentioned in Space Viking, the so-called Sword Worlds. These same planets show up in the Spinward Marches in Traveller — in the Sword Worlds subsector. I always thought this was a fitting tribute to Piper.

Clive Cussler writes some of the best guilty pleasure books. I know I’ve mentioned his work before, but with the imminent release of the movie Sahara (based on his book of the same name), it seemed like a good time to bring them up again.

Cussler’s novels star Dirk Pitt, a marine scientist and adventurer. He and his pal Al Giordano always find themselves dragged into one international mystery after another (and given the marine background, they all seem to involve boats and shipwrecks, even the stories set in the desert). There are dastardly villains, beautiful damsels in distress and technology that would make Q jealous.

The action is non-stop and the plot heavily foreshadowed (example line: “If only the captain had known this was to be his last day on Earth he might have paid more attention to the weather report.” ) The books are fun to read because Cussler doesn’t fool himself that he’s writing great literature; he’s writing high-adrenalin little-thought-required adventure fiction, and he knows it.

I also like the fact that he doesn’t mind changing history with absurd ideas. The Ancient Greeks discovered America. Sure. Abraham Lincoln wasn’t assassinated, but instead kidnapped by his Secretary of War. Why not? The President has been brainwashed. Makes sense.

His best are: Sahara, Treasure, Cyclops, Dragon and Raise the Titanic.

Dies the Fire is set in the Pacific Northwest after a mysterious catastrophe has wiped out almost all technology. Electronic equipment no longer functions. Gunpowder to no longer works. Steam engines can’t build up enough pressure.

Juniper Mackenzie and her fellow Wiccans escape the chaos of the city and set up a colony in her family’s old mountain cabin. Their group is prosperous and attracts more and more people to their land.

Meanwhile, Mike Havel is an ex-Marine and a pilot for a small charter airline. When the “Change’ hits, he was flying the Larsson family over Idaho. He manages to bring the plane down safely (mostly) and does his best to lead the family to safety. Along the way, the group picks up more and more people and ends up becoming a formidable cavalry war band.

Not everyone has taken the change so well. Many people go mad and many more revert to savagery. In Portland, a self-styled king has set up a brutal fiefdom that is rapidly expanding into the surrounding countryside. It’s not long before his minions come into contact with both Juniper’s people and Mike’s war band.

Dies the Fire is projected to ne the first book of a trilogy. It has a definite ending, although enough plot threads are left for further books. This novel is loosely connected to Stirling’s “Nantucket” series. In those books, the island of Nantucket is thrown back to prehistoric times. This novel tells what happens to the rest of the world after that incident. Some of the character’s last names are familiar, so I wonder if they are supposed to be related?

As to be expected from S.M. Stirling, this is a very good book. It shares the “self reliant men and women surviving and even prospering in a world gone mad” theme common to many of his novels. While I don’t think it is as good as Conquistador or The Peshawar Lancers, it is still much better than most books out there and I recommend it without reservation.

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One of the acknowledgements in the beginning of the book was to Heather Alexander, one of my favorite filk/folk singers. Several of her songs can be found in novel.

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Links:

• S.M. Stirling’s site
• Heather Alexander’s site

One of my pet peeves is authors who ruin the suspension of disbelief in their books by trying to be too clever for their own good. I have no problems with authors basing their works in reality or history. H. Beam Piper was one of the best at basing his works on history yet being totally original. What I hate is when authors hit you over the head with their lack of originality in this regard.

Two good examples come to mind. In David Weber’s Honor Harrington series, the enemy planet Haven was based on events in France after the French Revolution. That’s fine. It was a fascinating period of history and has a great deal of built in drama. But did he have to name the lead villain Rob S. Pierre? This is just way too blatant and totally ruins the suspension of disbelief.

Another example is in Robin Hobb’s Farseer Trilogy. This one hit me before I even started the book. The map of this “imaginary realm” is an inverted map of Alaska. So much for fantasy… (Here’s a fan’s computerized version of the map. Look at the top half of the image.)

For the record, the Harrington series is one of my favorite science-fiction series. It’s the closest I’ve found to a “Hornblower in Space” series. I found the Farseer Trilogy too dense to read comfortably. The follow-up Mad Ship Trilogy was much better.

When I was watching The Batman this morning, an ad came on for the movie Where the Red Fern Grows.

“I remember reading that book in elementary school,” I told the Polite-Wife.
“I could only read it once because it made me sad,” she said.
“But you make your class read The Bridge to Terebithia every year,” I pointed out.
“That’s different!” she pouted. Luckily, the commercial was over by then and the show was back on.

Why do we feel the need to make our children read these very sad depressing books? Do we learn anything from than other than that they are sad and depressing books that — while well written — are no fun to read? Which sad books like this do you remember having to read in school? (In addition to Where the Red Fern Grows and The Bridge to Terebithia, there was also A Taste of Blackberries. Page for page, the most depressing book I have ever read was Tess of the d’Urbervilles — though that wasn’t until high school)

(The Polite-Wife tells me that the saddest book to her is Sadako and the Thousand Paper Cranes. She reads it to her class every year and cries every time.)

Once again joining somebody else’s bandwagon, I join David and Ed in Book Week and today I promote some of my favorite historical novel series.

The Sharpe Series by Bernard Cornwell
This started out as a series of eleven books that chronicled the fate of British Army infantryman Richard Sharpe through the Napoleonic Wars ending at the battle of Waterloo. Originally a common sergeant, Sharpe saved life of Lord Wellington during a battle in India and found himself promoted to Lieutenant. The stories do an excellent job of bringing the battles to life as well as the harsh life of the British soldier. Cornwell has since gone on to write more Sharpe books set before, after and in-between the original eleven. The BBC also made a very entertaining series of Sharpe movies starring Sean Bean (Boromir in Lord of the Rings). They can sometimes be seen on Masterpiece Theater or the History Channel (and are available on VHS and DVD).

The Hornblower Series by C.S. Forester
Chronicling the adventures of British sailor Horatio Hornblower during the Spanish and Napoleonic Wars. Hornblower starts off as a lowly Midshipman and makes it all the way to Admiral by the end of the series. The best books to start with are Beat To Quarters, Ship of the Line, and Flying Colours. Technically they are the sixth, seventh, and eighth book in the series, but they are the first ones that Forester wrote. They were also turned into an excellent movie starring Gregory Peck and Virginia Mayo. The earlier books were turned into a well done series of movies on A&E starring Ioan Gruffudd as the young Hornblower (Gruffudd is to play Reed Richards in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie). Horatio Hornblower was one of the first popular heroes who broke from the idea of the dashing hero — he was shy, awkward, not particularly handsome and usually scared to death (at least in the earlier books). As a bit of trivia, Forester also wrote The African Queen, later turned into the famous Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn movie.

Even though it shares a setting with the Hornblower novels, I never enjoyed Patrick O’Brian’s Aubery/Maturin series (Master and Commander is the first book — later turned into the Russel Crowe movie), so I gave up after the fifth book. There was just no joy in reading the books; it wasn’t fun — more like a chore.

Other good historical novels include the Arundel series by Kenneth Roberts and any of James L. Nelson’s various naval series.

Since David Welsh is giving us some of his favorite mystery writers this week, I thought I’d chime in with some of my own overlooked mysteries that are worth the time to track down and read.

• The Brother Cadfael series, by Ellis Peters, is a captivating mystery series set in the England of the late 12th century*. Its main character is Brother Cadfael, a former crusader who is now a Benedictine monk. The mysteries themselves are well written and the history is fascinating. The first book is the probably the weakest, but still well above average. Brother Cadfael was turned into a BBC series, shown on PBS’s Mystery, that is supposed to be very well done.

• Malcolm Shuman has written a brief series of mysteries focusing on professional historian and archaeologist (but not in the Indiana Jones sense) Alan Graham, who finds himself involved in a variety of mysteries mostly around the Baton Rouge area. All of the books have a historical tie and topics covered include Meriwether Lewis (of Lewis and Clark), Jim Bowie, Indian burial grounds, Lee Harvey Oswald and the Mayans.

• Tonya Huff has a five-book series involving Victoria Nelson, a former police detective now P.I., her ex-partner and sometimes-lover Mike Celucci, and Henry FitzSimmons, a vampire “romance novelist” around since Tudor England. The books combine mystery with horror, and each book addresses a classic horror staple (i.e. demons, mummies, Frankenstei’ns monster, werewolves, etc.). A sixth book was recently published focusing on Henry and minor character Tony.

• G.K. Chesterton’s series of books and stories involving Father Brown, a quiet shabby priest who solves mysteries in an almost “by the way” manner remains a wonderful read well over a hundred years after they were written. Inexpensive because of that whole public domain thing. As a comic book reference, G.K. Chesterton is who Gilbert (aka Fiddler’s Green) is based on in the Sandman “Doll’s House” storyline.

Warning! Footnote involving a small history lesson:
*Historically, the Brother Cadfael books take place in the period of time when both Stephen and Matilda were fighting for the throne of England. Ultimately, Stephen wins, though to preserve peace Matilda’s son Henry is named as his heir. To put this is in a historical perspective, Henry is better known as Henry II, husband of Eleanor of Aquitane and father of Richard the Lion-Hearted and King John (or Magna Carta and Robin Hood fame), and murderer (albeit indirectly) of the Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Becket — which leads down the line to Chaucer’s Canturbery Tales. Clear as mud?

One of my favorite guilty pleasure mystery series is the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich.

Stephanie Plum is a chronically out of work Jersey girl who takes a job as a “bail enforcement agent” (i.e. bounty hunter) for her cousin, a bail bondsman. In the process of attempting to track down the “skips” she always manages to find herself caught up in one mystery or another.

Romantic entanglements come courtesy of Joe Morelli, a high-school flame of Stephanie’s who is now a police officer, and Ranger, another bounty hunter.

There are a number of hilarious secondary characters including Stephanie’ gun-toting Grandma Mazur, her wannabe lesbian sister, and Lulu, the portly ex-prostitute-now-part-time-secretary-part-time-bounty-hunter.

Humor and romance (well, “romantic hi-jinks” is probably a better term) are a large part of these book’s charm (Evanovich was originally a romance writer). The first five books are the best (the fourth, Four to Score, is my favorite). From the sixth book on, the mysteries become less compelling and Stephanie has hit the Cheers limit¹, but the books are still worth reading, for the comedy if nothing else.

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¹The Cheers limit is the time in a piece of romantic fiction where the protagonist either has to put up or shut up; the romance has been going on so long that to sustain any hint of believability a romantic liaison must take place. Sadly, this action usually dooms the series (c.v. The Moonlighting Effect and The Northern Exposure Problem). Another name for the Cheers limit is the Betty and Veronica point.

Demo #9 is the latest in the black and white series by Brian Wood and Becky Cloonan. This issue tells the story of Angie and Gabe, a couple breaking up in a coffee shop. Through flashbacks, the reader is able to relive their first date and their loving moments as well as their fights and misunderstandings. However, for Gabe, these are more than simple recollections — they are indelible memories. He never forgets a conversation. Until the day he dies, he’ll remember all the good times. Unfortunately, he’ll also remember all the bad times. These memories won’t fade over the years. The comic is essentially a single well-realized and well-written break-up scene, but when one considers the ramifications of Gabe’s ability, it adds an extra layer to the story. As usual, the art by Cloonan is striking and she does an excellent job of rendering emotions through the eyes alone.

In many ways, the Demo #9 reminds me of an excellent short story by Robert Silverberg called “The Man Who Never Forgot”. Like Gabe, Tom Niles has an incredible memory. Unlike Gabe who only remembers conversations, Tom remembers absolutely everything. His abilities lead him to an unhappy childhood where he is always unintentionally showing up other people. When he becomes older and starts catching people in lies, he knows it is time to leave. He runs away, but his life on the road is not much better. Eventually, he wanders back to his home town where an accident lands him in the hospital and he has to decide what to do with the rest of his life. This story has been published in several collections.

“The Man Who Never Forgot” is one of eleven masterful stories in the 1974 hardbound collection Mutants. The book contains many superb stories including a reprint of Poul Anderson’s first story (“Tomorrow’s Children”) as well as tales by Harlan Ellison, James Blish, Ralph Milne Farley and Brian Aldiss. I haven’t read the book for years, but several stories still remain bright in my mind. “The Conqueror”, by Mark Clifton, is about a mutant Dahlia that takes over the world in a most unexpected way. Frederick Pohl’s “Let the Ants Try” takes place after a nuclear war, when two scientists take a mutant ant back through time to see if ants can build a better society than mankind. Finally, there’s Jerome Bixby’s “It’s A Good Life”, which was turned into one of the most haunting Twilight Zone episodes ever. If you ever run across this collection in a used book store, Amazon, or on e-Bay I recommend that you pick it up.

Ross Macdonald, the nom de plume of Kenneth Millar, is probably the least known of the “holy trinity” of original American hard-boiled detective writers. A prolific writer, he was the author of over twenty five novels and a handful of short stories.

His novels all concern Lew Archer, a private investigator in California. Archer is a complex character, flawed but still with a strong sense of right and wrong. As a character, he matures as the series continues. The Archer in the later books is a much more complex man than the one in the novels written in the 1950s. It’s important to note that each book is complete in and of itself, so they don’t have to be read in any particular order.

In addition to the requisite murder (usually murders), his novels all seem to have a dark family secret at the center of them, usually related to a childhood trauma of some sort. This is most likely because of the turbulent childhood Millar himself lived through. The Galton Case, published in 1959, is felt to be the most autobiographical of his novels.

His best (at least of those I’ve read) are The Galton Case, The Chill, The Drowning Pool, and The Far Side of the Dollar, though any Macdonald book is a good read.

For fans of H.P. Lovecraft, the latest issue of Dragon Magazine (#324, October 2004) contains an article detailing the influence of Lovecraft’s writings on the game of Dungeons & Dragons. A brief synopsis of his life and works begins the article, and then it details adventures, monsters and concepts that the author feels are based on the work of Lovecraft.

The author does a concise job covering the convoluted history of the Deities & Demigods Cyclopedia, especially the much sought after first edition. The Deities & Demigods Cyclopedia was a Dungeons & Dragons reference book that contained statistics for various gods and mythological monsters so that they could be incorporated into the game. In addition to the more common mythologies, there were several chapters based on the works of fantasy authors. One of these was a sizable section with creatures from Lovecraft’s writings. Shortly after publication, Chaosium obtained the rights to Lovecraft’s works (for their Call of Cthulhu role-playing game) and so the later editions of Deities & Demigods did not contain this section. Similarly, Chaosium also obtained the rights to Michael Moorcock’s Elric series and so the Melnibon顮 section of the book was also missing from later editions (though this is not mentioned in the article).

Several extensive quotes culled from some of Lovecraft’s voluminous correspondence are included in the article as well. In particular, there is an interesting quote about the origin of Fafhrd and the Gray Mouser that I’ve never seen before (and for the record, the Lankhmar section remained in the later editions of Deities & Demigods).

While there are passages where it feels like the author is reaching too hard for connections, it is a well written piece overall and worth reading for any Lovecraft or D&D fan.

Another must for any fan of H.P. Lovecraft is Pok鴨ulhu: The Adventure Game. Written by S. John Ross and illustrated by John Kovalic, this game somehow manages to combine the classic works of Lovecraft with Pok魯n. The results are a short hilarious game that is worth every penny of its $5.95 price tag. There are enough inside jokes for both Pok魯n players and long time Lovecraft aficionados to keep the reader in stitches for hours (check out the map on the inside front cover). Now they even make Pok鴨ulhu miniatures!

Unfortunately, Lovecraft does not always get good press. In 1987 Baen Books published a collection of Robert E. Howard stories entitled Cthulhu: The Mythos and Kindred Horrors. Being a fan of both Lovecraft and Howard, I picked it up the minute I saw it. Reading the introduction by David Drake, you would think that Howard was the sole creator and writer involved in the weird tales genre. Lovecraft is only mentioned once, and then in a derogatory fashion. This is despite the fact that his creation Cthulhu is the first word in the title and a picture of Cthulhu adorns the cover.

In no way am I maligning Howard’s work. He wrote some excellent stories in this genre, and most are collected in this book (including the incredible “Pigeons From Hell”). It just irks me the misleading way that Baen published this otherwise excellent collection.

One of my guiltiest reading pleasures is Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series. These stories take place is a world nearly identical to ours except that vampires, werewolves, and other such creatures exist and have their full share of legal rights. In her day job (or night job in her case), Anita is an Animator – someone who can raise the dead. This is mostly done for legal reasons (contested wills, for instance), but some of her clients have more nefarious purposes. In addition, she is also one of the few legally sanctioned vampire hunters, and she has killed more vampires than any other hunter. She frequently works for the police on supernatural crimes. Ironically, she finds herself taking the vampire’s side more often than not. Recently, Anita has found herself siding with the vampire Master of the City in certain political intrigues. This has ultimately led to a romantic relationship with the city’s head vampire. She also finds herself in a relationship with the alpha-male of the local werewolf pack (who just happens to be a high school teacher by day). Who said romance was dead?

The series took a few books to get started, but by the third book (Circus of the Damned) it was in full swing. Unfortunately, the last several books (Obsidian Butterfly, Narcissus in Chains, and Cerulean Blue) have veered too much toward soap opera and cheap thrills while ignoring the best aspects of the stories.

One of my favorite aspects of the books is that they mostly take place in St. Louis, a city I am intimately familiar with, having attended both college and medical school there.

A new flier came in the mail today from the Science Fiction Book Club. Flipping through it, I see that S.M. Stirling has a new book out: Dies the Fire. It is the first book in a projected trilogy. Three of his previous books (Island in the Sea of Time, Against the Sea of Time and On the Oceans of Eternity) deal with the Island of Nantucket, which has been thrown back in time to 1250 B.C. Dies the Fire is set in the world that Nantucket left behind when it slipped back in time.

Stirling’s books are always fun reads, particularly those that utilize an alternate history. His plots are always complicated but historically sound. While I recommend all of his books, I particularly recommend The Peshawar Lancers and Conquistador. The Peshawar Lancers taked place in a world where the British Isles were destroyed by a meteor and India has become the heart of the new British Empire. The plot deals with the British Heir Apparent, the Royal Princess and her French suitor. The main characters, though, are an aristocratic brother and sister. He is a captain in the Peshawar Lancers and she is a brilliant research scientist. Together with the Royal Heirs, plus friends — both savory and unsavory — they ateempt to save the Empire from a Russian plot and assasination attempt.

Conquistador takes place in two worlds. The first is essentially identical to ours (except Pocohontas lived to bear children to John Rolfe). The second is an uninhabited Earth discovered by a member of the Rolfe family after World War II. This family and their friends have been slowly increasing their wealth by using the resources of the second world. Two game wardens stumble onto the secret of the alternate earth and are kidnapped to it, only to find themselves in the middle of an armed rebellion on that world.

Stirling has an informative, if bland, website here.

The Polite-Wife is back from her trip out west to visit her family. In addition to spending some time visiting with friends in Las Vegas, she spent several days at the beach (I should point out that she traveled to California to go to the beach as Nevada is not known for its good coastline).

While relaxing on the beach, she finally read some books I’d been suggesting to her for about five years: The Book of Three and The Black Cauldron, both by Lloyd Alexander. She is an elementary school teacher and always looking for good books for her classroom. Alexander’s Chronicles of Prydain series was one of the highlights of my childhood (find the editions with the Jody Lee covers).

Here’s my list of good fantasy or science-fiction for elementary age kids. I admit to being several years out of the loop, so feel free to add any other good ones:

• Harry Potter series by Rowling (you know the books; I’m not listing them)
• Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander (The Book of Three, The Black Cauldron, The Castle of Llyr, Taran Wanderer and The High King.)
• The Hobbit by Tolkein
• Harper Hall of Pern by McCaffrey (Dragonsong, Dragonsinger and Dragon Drums)
• Wrinkle in Time, A Wind Through the Door, A Swiftly Tilting Planet and Many Waters by L’Engle
• Tom Swift series by Appleton

Stories and novels about alternate history have always intrigued me. They have what I call the “what if” quotient. What if this happened, or what if that happened? What if Robert Kennedy had not been assassinated? What if England won the Revolutionary War? What if Alexander the Great had not died young? What if Al Gore had won Florida?

Alternate histories tend to raise a lot of questions that cannot easily be answered. A small divergence in the facts can lead to massive changes years later. For this reason, I prefer novels to short stories in this genre. Short stories tend to only tackle the deviation itself or give a superficial “history.” Novels, on the other hand, can address the changes in more detail or show the outcome years later.

The Civil War seems to be a favorite source of inspiration. There are several collections of short stories just about alternate Civil Wars, and Harry Turtledove has written an extensive series starting with the South triumphing in the Civil War and continuing for many years after.

I find that my favorite alternate history novels are those that are set many years after the divergence. The change in history is used to set the stage rather than being the center of the story. I recommend Philip K. Dick’s The Man in the High Castle and S. M. Stirling’s The Peshawar Lancers as good alternate histories of this variety

The written word is not the only source of alternate history. Comic books are a unique forum for alternate history stories because they can involve either a divergence from actual history or a deviation from comic-book history. Comic book alternate histories are an extensive topic and deserve an entire post of their own…come back tomorrow.

UPDATE: How could I forget H. Beam Piper’s Lord Kalvan of Otherwhen, another excellent alternate history. It ties into his Paratime series of short stories which deal with an entire system of alternate histories.

Dave Barry is the only author who consistently makes me laugh out loud.

His weekly column and his books are always good reads and a great way to pass the time.

A particular favorite is Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs, which includes such delightful chapter titles as “Weenie Music”, “Songs Women Really Hate” and “Teen Death Songs”.

His first novel, Big Trouble, was brilliantly plotted and hilarious. The movie it was made into, with Tim Allen and Renee Russo was only so-so, but don’t let that scare you away from the original book, it’s well worth your time and money.

When I was 12, I went to my first science-fiction convention: RoVaCon 7. It was a small convention held at a high school in Roanoke, Virginia. We lived about 45 miles away and I convinced my father to take me for my birthday. He agreed and two weeks later, my dad and I, along with my friends Kevin and Steve, piled into our old Chevy Malibu station wagon and drove the hour to Roanoke.

The main guests were William Tenn and Laura Banks. William Tenn is one of the best short-story writers in science fiction and has become a favorite of mine (though could someone please explain his story Wednesday’s Child to me). At the time, Laura Banks was best known for being one of the two female followers of Khan in Star Trek II. I think that’s still her main claim to fame. Other guests were there too, including Richard Preston and Kelly Freas, but I have no memory of seeing them.

While my friends and I wandered the dealer’s room (the gym), entered the coloring contest and just meandered about, my dad stayed in the auditorium listening to the various speakers and watching the movies.

It was a fun day, and I have many good memories of the con:

• I bought my first comic book back issue: Uncanny X-Men #146, the 2nd issue of the three-part Dr. Doom/Arcade storyline. I paid one dollar for it.
• Even though we felt we were “too old” to enter the coloring contest, my friends and I entered it anyway because they gave candy to anyone who entered, and – well – it was candy and we were 12! They had a picture of their mascot, Rover (a dog in a bubble helmet) for us to color. I decided he must be an alien dog, so colored him green. I won second place and a ribbon, but no more candy.
• We drove down the street to the local Hardee’s for lunch. Kevin became upset when he realized he had been given sweetened tea instead of unsweetened tea. Steve said “I’ll unsweeten it for you!” and proceeded to pour a whole shaker-full of salt in the tea. General hilarity ensued, though I don’t think my father thought it was all that funny.
• I watched what is probably the worst science-fiction movie ever made: Robinson Crusoe on Mars. My father disagrees, stating that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was much worse, but come on, it has Pia Zadora in it, so it at least has that going for it.
• I only caught the end of William Tenn’s talk, but I wish that I had heard more. I remember that he was talking about the difficulties of time travel. Not the technical difficulties, but all the cultural differences that would cause problems for the time traveler. Interesting stuff, even to a 12 year old.

Since then I’ve been to about thirty other convention of varying themes. I’ve never failed to have a good time, but that first small convention still ranks as one of the best.

I just finished reading Eric Flint’s 1632 last night. I found it quite a good book and hard to put down. I’ve always liked writers that manage to combine historical figures with fictional characters convincingly (and I think Tim Powers does it best; read The Anubis Gates or On Stranger Tides and tell me who is real and who is made-up).

1632 falls into a genre (or probably a sub-genre) that I really enjoy. The modern-people-get-stranded-back-in-time (or on-a-desolate-planet) –and-build-a-civilization story. I like the idea of reading about people like me (only more clever and resourceful), who are used to the conveniences of modern life, forced to rely on their wits and other skills to not only survive, but flourish. It probably speaks to the repressed pioneer in me.

Besides 1632, other books in this genre include:

• Janissaries by Jerry Pournelle
• Castaways in Time by Robert Adams
• Island in the Sea of Time by S.M. Stirling
• Freedom’s Choice by Anne McCaffrey

(and all their sequels)

The House of God is an autobiographical “novel” of a physician’s intern year at a large New York City hospital. It was written in the 1970s when all residents, regardless of their specialty, shared a common first year. An intern would routinely (and legally) work 100 hours/week at that time and carry a heavy patient load.

Things had improved by my residency in the 90s, and have improved even more today. Don’t misunderstand me, the intern year is still the hardest year of any physician’s life, but it’s at least a little easier today than it was thirty years ago.

Still, the House of God is a terrific read. Portions of the book are scary, some are haunting, many are hilarious, and several are heart-breaking. It stands as a testament of what it took to be a doctor in the 1970s, and what it still takes today.

Plus, it’s very funny.

The Goblin Reservation, by Clifford D. Simak, tells the story of Professor Peter Maxwell. In the not too far future, humanity has rediscovered all the creatures of legend – elves, trolls, goblins, banshees, and so on. All of the supernatural creatures have been accounted for except the dragon. Maxwell, a professor of Supernatural at the University, has made it his life’s work to find a dragon.

As the story begins, Maxwell arrives back on Earth by matter transporter after spending several fruitless weeks searching a distant star system for rumors of a dragon. His transmitter beam was hijacked on his way to Earth, and he found himself a guest on a mysterious crystal planet for several days. While there, he was asked to share the immense knowledge of this mysterious planet with Earth.

He finally returns home to discover that his transmitter beam was not hijacked, but duplicated. Another Peter Maxwell returned two weeks before and died in a mysterious “accident.” Maxwell’s attempts to re-establish his life are complicated. His apartment has been leased to a new tenant – a graduate student with a pet saber-toothed tiger. His teaching job no longer exists. His friends want him to pay back the money they spent on his funeral wreath.

Meanwhile, he is trying to figure out what to do with this knowledge he has been asked to share. He is approached by a group of mysterious aliens, the Wheelers (who look like giant pill bugs on wheels), and who seem to know too much and wish to purchase this knowledge from him. How can he reconcile his own loyalties, return to his previously happy life, and fulfill his appointed duties wisely?

The book showcases the common Simak themes. The first is the search for knowledge. As a former newspaper reporter, Simak injects this into almost all of his characters, many of whom are reporters themselves. In The Goblin Reservation, the character Ghost represents this quest in its most basic sense. He knows that he is someone’s ghost, but he can’t remember whose. Peter Maxwell represents this idea turned on its end. Maxwell has the knowledge – but doesn’t know what to do with it. Who is he supposed to give the knowledge to, and how? The quests of both the Ghost and Maxwell are an integral part of the novel’s ultimate outcome.

Simak’s stories commonly show the struggle between the urban and rural ways of life. This is often shown as conflict between technology and the “simple life”. His characters are generally unassuming individuals thrust into some technological conundrum. In this novel, the Wheelers represent the technological aspect while Maxwell himself represents the uncomplicated rural lifestyle. Both his caveman friend, Alley Oop, and his goblin friends represent the ideal of the pastoral life; another concept common in Simak’s novels.

All of Clifford Simak’s science fiction novels are unreservedly recommended. He was a not a multiple award winner (Nebulas and several Hugos) by accident. His stories, originally written in the 1960s and 70s, still ring true today.

The Goblin Reservation is more light-hearted than most of Simak’s other novels. It is a near-perfect blend of action, humor, and conscience and has my highest recommendation.
Read more…

All this recent talk of Dan Brown and the Da Vinci Code brings us to today’s topic: books and book series you’re embarrased to admit that you read. These are books that are poorly written, poorly conceived, improbably plotted, and more. These are books that would cause you unending shame if your friends, or God forbid your English teacher, caught you reading them. Yet, you still keep reading these books.

Of course, many of these books end up on the best-seller list.

I actually keep a stack of books in my room that I call the “Guilty Pleasure Pile.” I’ll read these books on long airline trips or dreary rainy days. Currently, the pile contains books from the following series:

Tom Clancy’s Net Force series.. Of course it’s not written by Clancy, it’s his “idea.” It was even turned into a made-for-TV-movie (or started out as a movie, it’s unclear), so that should tell you something about the series’s quality. The characters are all two-dimensional, and the villains inconsistent: an evil genius one book, rampaging rednecks the next. Still, it’s an addictive read.

Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt books. The best poorly written books available. These adventures follow the heroic marine salvager/scientist Dirk Pitt and his motley band of friends as they face various evils throughout the world. The best are To Raise the Titanic, Cyclops, Treasure, and Sahara. All of Cussler’s books, somewhere in the story, contain some variant of this long cliched line: “If only he had known what was about to happen, he never would have…”. My dad and I both read these books, and will call each other chuckling as soon as we spot this line in his latest book.

Xanth books. Jumped the shark so long ago. Would you feel comfortable in an airport reading a book called The Color of her Panties?

Robert Adams’s Horseclans series. This started wonderfully with an intriguing future setting, exciting — if two-dimesnsional characters, and non-stop well-plotted action. The series quickly degenerated into cardboard characters, redundant action sequences, and an “all but the kitchen sink” approach. Oh yeah, and incest.

John Norman’s Gor series.. Started out as a decent pastiche of ERB’s Barsoom series, but quickly degenerated into a misogynistic mish-mash. Think no man can have more issues with women than Dave Sims? Read John Norman. Actually physically painful to read by the end.

Robert Parker’s Spenser books. These are actually more of a pleasure than a guilty pleasure, as Parker writes well in his pulp noir style. The character are believable, and the mysteries generally quite good. It’s in the “guilty pleasure pile” because I pick them up in airport bookstores, so they end up in the same pile. (In terms of the TV version, I prefer Joe Mantegna as Spenser over Robert Urich, but Avery Brooks made the best Hawk, hands down).