Polite Dissent

We’ve all seen the WWJD bracelets; they’re everywhere. No longer limited to jewelry, there are also WWJD t-shirts and bumper stickers (because if there’s any place I want to get my religion from, it’s the rusted bumper of a Honda accord).

For many people, this isn’t enough. An entirely different role model is needed. Therefore, we here at Polite Dissent have come up with an alternative:
WWDD – What Would Doom Do?

Next time something bad happens to you, take a minute to reflect on what a tyrannical egotistical genius absolute-ruler of a small European nation would do. Just remember: WWDD.

Test your WWDD quotient:

1. You are riding driving in your car when a yuppie driving an SUV abruptly cuts in front of you.
   A) Ignore the peon; yuppies aren’t worth your time.
   B) Speed up, pass him and force him into a ditch.
   C) Follow him until he stops, then get out and patiently explain why cutting you off was not a good idea. Use violence if necessary.
   D) Destroy his vehicle with the heat-seeking missiles you keep hidden under your hood. If the police try to arrest you, claim diplomatic immunity.
2. You get your grande latte and you discover that Starbucks clerk has totally screwed up your order.
   A) Throw the latte in the clerk’s face and complain to the manager.
   B) Buy the franchise and fire every single employee.
   C) Invent a time machine and travel back in time to prevent the clerk from ever having been born.
   D) Team-up with a rogue Atlantean and attack Seattle, submerging it, thus destroying Starbucks forever!
3. The co-worker in the next cubicle is always stealing your stapler and never returning it.
   A) Calmly explain to him the error of his ways. Use violence as appropriate.
   B) Hire a group of grade-B supervillains to retrieve your stapler.
   C) Build a dimensional transporter and send your thieving workmate to the Negative Zone.
   D) Build a technologically superior stapler that always returns to your desk (and delivers a 10,000 volt shock to unauthorized users).
4. Your son flunks his history final and will have to retake the class.
   A) Disinherit your son and exile him from your domain.
   B) Take the time machine from question #2 and go back in time to change history so that your son’s answers are correct.
   C) Your family doesn’t study history…they make history! Send a squad of rampaging robots to destroy the school, and, for good measure, the history teacher’s house.
   D) Threaten the teacher with utter annihilation if he doesn’t let your son retake the test…and pass this time.
5. Every fall, your neighbor dumps his leaves in your yard.
   A) Destroy his trees with missiles from your orbital satellite.
   B) Using an eldritch magic tome best discussed only in whispers, damn the neighbor and his family to the nether regions.
   C) Conveniently “find” some long-lost paperwork proving that you own the land his house is built on.
   D) Kidnap his wife and hold her hostage until he picks up every last leaf in your yard.

Answers and Scoring posted later this evening…