Polite Dissent

In my chronological review of the appearances of the Hawk and the Dove, I’ve posted about several painfully bad comics. The worst was probably Teen Titans #25, the comic that sets up the whole “powerless” Teen Titans storyline that drove the title into the ground. However, that was nothing compared to the mind-numbing storytelling of today’s comic. I present: Showcase #100.

Something bizarre is happening. Weather conditions have gone haywire, volcanoes are erupting and time is out of joint. Cavemen, dinosaurs, cowboys and Germans are roaming the streets of Metropolis. The heroes are summoned to a meeting in the JLA’s satellite headquarters. Of course, the JLA’s not there as they’re all “off on missions” (except for Flash and Green Lantern). So it’s up to the second- and third-string heroes to save the world. Coincidentally, it’s these same heroes who have appeared in Showcase over the years…

Green Lantern tells the group that something is blocking his ring, but it’s not a force field because radio waves can still get through (a little known scientific fact about force fields). Frankly, he’s baffled. Luckily, Adam Strange and the Atom are able to piece together the fact that some mysterious force is dragging the Earth out of its orbit and propelling it through space faster than light, ripping open the time stream.

The heroes split into teams. Adam Strange, Green Lantern, Flash and the Atom head into space to find the power source of whatever may be causing the disaster. They discover an invisible space ship, but Green Lantern is unable to affect it because it’s yellow (yep, it’s another one of those invisible yellow objects). He creates a moving prism to Doppler shift the light so that his ring can work (yes, we all know that’s not how the Doppler Effect works. Shhh…don’t tell Hal.). Robots from the ship attack, but Space Ranger shows up just in time to save the heroes. The whole group ventures inside the ship but is attacked by a giant plant. The Phantom Stranger appears and the group holds a séance to call forth the Spectre. Using the power of belief, the Spectre is able to return Earth to its orbit.

Rip Hunter and his pals jump into their Time Sphere but become trapped in the time stream and don’t appear again in this comic. Way to go, Rip!

Most of the other heroes are on Earth working crowd control. This includes the Teen Titans, the Metal Men, Aquaman, Dolphin and the Sea Devils. Across town, a strange collection of people are clustering in the offices of Angel O’Day (of Angel and the Ape fame). In addition to Angel and Sam, there’s Tommy Tomorrow, Firehair, Bat Lash, Anthro, and the Inferior Five. Angel, Bat Lash and Tommy Tomorrow take off in Tommy’s ship, figuring they can use its advanced technology to track down the source of the problem.

At the WGBS tower, Lois Lane is broadcasting an SOS for Superman, but it’s all in vain. The Challengers of the Unknown climb in through the window and use the station’s transmitter to pinpoint the cause of the disasters. The Challengers fly off with Lois and the Creeper tagging along and discover a strange metal building. Rocky jimmies open a small door and Lois slips in before it locks shut.

On top of the building, Tommy Tomorrow uses his ray gun to blast a hole in the roof. Angel jumps in and the hole seals behind her. Despite the dangerous radiation (which they can somehow detect), both Lois and Angel crawl though the mysterious building and find the control room. They flip the correct lever to drive the alien from Earth, never to return.

That summary should give you a nice taste of the comic. The story by Paul Kupperberg and Paul Levitz is full of bizarre contrivances and unexplained plot holes. The villain is never once explained. How did the alien move the Earth from its orbit — and more importantly — why? If it can teleport, then why did it build a door? The “technobabble” is painful to read, and the science is so bad that even a third grader would see right through it.

The art by Joe Stanton is fairly angular and nears the level of caricature at several points. His inking is wispy and doesn’t lend any weight to his lines. The backgrounds — if they exist at all — are sketchy. Admittedly, he wasn’t working with much of a story. His cover sure is eye-catching though.

The Hawk and the Dove appear on the cover, the splash page, and in the background of three small panels. They are apparently working crowd control with the Titans. They don’t get to say a word, though they do get to beat up Nazis. Frankly, Sugar and Spike have a bigger role in the story.

One last thought: strange weather, characters from different eras converging and a mysterious never-before-seen alien masterminding the event. Sound familiar? It’s Crisis, only without the red skies, and seven years ahead of its time.