Polite Dissent

Teen Titans #26 and #27 continue with the concept of the Titans as powerless secret agents. If possible, these issues are even less interesting than Teen Titans #25, the issue that set up the entire premise. A lot of events may take place but there is not really any action occurring.

In Teen Titans #25, “A Penny For a Black Star”, the heroes are sent through Mr. Jupiter’s training room. Next, he plunks them down in a ghetto with a penny each and tells them to get a job and find a place to live. They take their pennies and buy lemonade from a small girl who has a lemonade stand. A gang of toughs straight out of Every Which Way But Loose come by to harass the girl, but her brother Mal intervenes. Donna and Lilith get jobs selling clothes in a ghetto boutique and the boys help out at a local gym. They encounter Mal again and ultimately invite him to join the group. The Titans (including Mal) return to Mr. Jupiter’s secret hideout and begin training as astronauts for a mission to Venus. Then one night, Mal sneaks off and leaves for Venus on his own.

In Teen Titans #26, “Nightmare in Space”, Mal runs into trouble on his mission to Venus and the rest of the Titans take another rocket into space to rescue him. While most of the Titans land on the moon, Kid Flash and Lilith head off to rescue Mal. At this point one improbable thing after another occurs as the writer seems to throw everything at the Titans but the kitchen sink. Mal’s spacecraft is stranded and is out of fuel — but don’t worry Kid Flash is there to rescue him. Wait! Mal and Kid Flash’s tether is cut while space walking — but don’t worry, Wally’s “propulsion gun” will save them. (Best line in the comic: “Man — if this boost doesn’t work — we’ll be swinging cats in this funny space disco for the next trillion years!”). Wait! Donna, Roy and Hank encounter aliens on the moon — but don’t worry, they’re friendly aliens — they just want to listen to more groovy Earth music. Wait! The Titans start to hallucinate due to oxygen deprivation — but don’t worry, Wally turns the correct switch in time. Wait! The Titans nearly miss the re-entry angle but manage to correct in time and return to Earth safely. At the end of the comic, nothing has happened and it’s taken 23 pages and millions of dollars of federal equipment to get there.

The art by Nick Cardy is serviceable, and actually quite good in places, but the script doesn’t give him much to work with.

The story is simply awful. Other than introducing Mal, the rest of the plot is laughable. The ghetto scenes are definitely not politically correct, but are so ludicrous that there’s no way anyone could consider them offensive. The outer space adventure the following issue makes even less sense.

While Hank and Don appear in these issues, Hawk and Dove do not. There is nothing in these issues that set the Hall brothers apart as being special (or even brothers). Any other teen heroes could have taken their place in the story with no changes at all. Frankly, any other teen heroes would make more sense than a powerless Hawk and Dove. Without their powers, Hank is athletic but Don is not — yet we are expected to believe that he could keep up with the rest of the Titans.

Unless you are a Teen Titans (or Hawk and Dove) completist, there is no sense in tracking down and buying these issues. It’s simply not worth the time, money, or effort.