Polite Dissent

It’s the beginning of the month, so it’s time to look at some of the more interesting internet searches that led people to Polite Dissent over the month of September.

• bwana beast - the #1 search this month. I smell a new series! Hey Bendis: forget Batman, I suggest a Daredevil/Bwana Beast cross-over!
• hawk and dove - the #2 seach this month. If you count all the variations on Hawk, Dove, Hank Hall and Don Hall, it beats out Bwana Beast (but bwarely barely!)
• super-heroes with multiple personality disorders - Good question. There’s the Incredible Hulk (at least in Peter David’s run), Crazy Jane and the new Rose/Thorn (the old one was too, but she wasn’t exactly a hero).
• empty narcotic bottles on e-bay - a surprising number of searches for this every month. Why? Are they the new collectible?
• godot action comics - so Samuel Beckett is writing Superman stories now? Well, he can’t be any worse than the current writers. This one does crack me up because Waiting for Godot and Action Comics seem like such opposite terms.
• zatanna porn - yes, I am apparently the top Google seach for Zatanna porn (and I’m sure this post will help). There is no porn here — Zatanna or otherwise! If you want to ogle naked women, at least do it for a good cause.
• annuals of internal medicine - here’s your problem: annuals are generally over-rated comic books while annals are medical jounals.
• how to remove a running subcuticular suture - you don’t have to! That’s the beauty of this stitch…on the other hand, it’s also a problem if you screw it up. If that happens, just cut it out and start over.
• jack daniels watered down - kind of defeats the whole purpose, doesn’t it?
• mars is light years away from earth - no, no it’s not. It’s only light minutes from Earth (despite what StarBlazers might tell you).
• signalman phobia - if you’re going to be scared of any particular supervillain, Signalman is not the one.
• super hero advertising itch medicine -
  “Say Wally”
  “Yes Kyle”
  “I know I’m new to this super hero thing, but I’ve got this problem…”
  (Flash waits impatiently)
  “…it’s chafing! This uniform chafes something fierce!”
  “Don’t worry Kyle, it’s a common problem. Do what all experienced super-heroes do: use Dr. Light’s Medicated Powder! It works like a charm!”
  [voiceover] “Also available in Silver Age and Golden Age!”
• tuscan beige paint - great! Now my wife’s choice of colors for the den is leading people to my site!
• colonoscopy gloves - recommended