Technobabble Theater starring Brainiac 5
In this scene from Adventure Comics #325, Brainiac 5 spouts some pure Grade-A technobabble. Seriously, this is some of the best (or worst) technobabble that I’ve come across. It rivals anything from acknowledged technobabble master Bob Haney.
While reading this scene, it occurred to me that despite Brainiac 5 being one of the preeminent scientists of the DC universe, this is the first time I can remember him spouting technobabble. I suspect that’s because Brainy never explains why he’s doing things, he just does them — thus no need for explanations or technobabble.
As noted, the panels are from Adventure Comics #325. The artist is John Forte. According to the Grand Comic Database, the writer is Edmond Hamilton; however, the Showcase Presents the Legion of Super-Heroes, Vol 2 (where I scanned it from), lists Jerry Siegel as the author. Regardless, in this scene, Brainiac 5 is trying to help the young Luthor avoid a life of evil — though Brainy doesn’t realize that he is really dealing with an already evil Luthor who has cleverly disguised himself with…a wig.
July 22nd, 2008 at 11:58 pm
I’m confident that technobabble is pure Siegel.
July 23rd, 2008 at 7:09 am
Braniac might have a computer mind, but that doesn’t help him avoid the misuse of the apostrophe…
July 23rd, 2008 at 8:26 am
That is the absolute best technobabble ever. Geordi La Forge eat your heart out!
July 23rd, 2008 at 1:07 pm
My favorite part is Luthor’s subdued, “*choke!* Thanks for trying!”
July 23rd, 2008 at 2:10 pm
That technobable isn’t as nonsensical as OTIII, OTVIII or engrams. I had to reach deep to find something that would put that technobabble to shame. lol
“Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars he should start his own religion.”
L. Ron Hubbard 1954
July 23rd, 2008 at 9:29 pm
It certainly does sound like Brainy has embraced Scientology. I was half expecting him to make a reference to Xenu.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Dean, be careful about saying the “Xenu” word!!! I’ve heard if you say it three times, in a darkened room in front on a mirror; Tom Cruise will pop out of the mirror. LMAO!
To anyone who is not familiar with OTIII (aka The Wall of Fire) http://tinyurl.com/Xenu-on-Youtube
July 25th, 2008 at 9:29 am
^_^ And such helpful error messages… after massive amounts of techno-babble and presumably an in-depth exploration of Luthor’s… urgal psytrops and ancestral karmatics… all it can do is blink the message of “Failed”? Sounds like Brainiac’s drawing from the quaint 21st century practice of Image Macros.
July 30th, 2008 at 8:45 am
He should just have konked Luthor on the back of the head where the chromosomatic gland is - you know, the gland that determines and changes personality.
What? It’s right here in “Journey Into Mystery” number 94! Loki changes Thor from good to evil by hitting him on the back of the head with Mjolnir!
August 5th, 2008 at 12:51 am
Braniac has no hammers handy.
The hammer is the key part of the personality equation.
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