Polite Dissent

Laura’s experience with blood draws is a common experience.

There are some abilities in the medical field that are more art than skill in the hands of an expert. Blood drawing is one of those abilities.

Some people are simply horrible and cannot draw blood. It’s clearly a skill they lack. I admire their persistence, but please find another job that doesn’t inflict as much pain on innocent people. On one occasion, I’ve had to stop the phlebotomist at the blood drive (With a “You know there’s a nerve down there, too?” spoken between gritted teeth) and place the needle myself.

Others people are experts, and could probably get blood out of a turnip. In my experience, the best individuals at drawing blood are anesthesiologists and pediatric nurses, especially those from the nursery. However, the best phlebotomist I’ve ever seen in action was a secretary.

There was an elderly gentleman on the floor. He was having a rough night and I desperately needed to draw blood from him. He had just lost his IV, and none of the nurses could get a blood sample or place the IV. Expert nurses from the ER and pediatric floor were called, but their luck was no better. Anesthesiology tried and failed. I was at the front desk discussing the possibility of a central line with the nurse and anesthesiologist when the floor secretary got up, washed her hands and walked into the patient’s room. Two minutes later she came out with two tubes of blood and told us his IV had been replaced. As we all stared at her in open-mouthed shock, she nonchalantly resumed typing orders into the computer.

I never did figure out her secret.