The Heartbreak of Metal Eating Disease
Your doctor has given you this information sheet because you have been diagnosed with Metal Eating Disease (M.E.D.). This rare disorder is caused by an infected bite from metal-eating aliens. It most commonly affects young red-headed cub reporters, though anyone who routinely encounters metal eating aliens may also be at risk.
It is best just to let the disease run its course. For the next forty-eight hours, avoid going anywhere that metal may be present. Do not drive your car. Stay away from electical devices. Do not carry large amounts of change. Do not read Iron Man. Avoid vending machines. Despite its name, Heavy Metal music continues to be safe to listen to.
Please note that while Metal Eating Disease is not fatal to you, it may be fatal to your social life:
It is best to completely avoid the dating scene until after the Metal Eating Disease has run its course.
Sadly, modern medicine has developed no cure for Metal Eating Disease.
Though there is no treatment for Metal Eating Disease, the disorder is self-limited and will resolve on its own in two days. In just forty-eight hours you’ll be as good as new…though please remember that you’ll set off airport metal detectors for the better part of a week, and don’t try to swim until the all the metal has passed through your system.
July 6th, 2006 at 7:40 am
If you have ever been infected with Metal Eating Disease or if you have ever worked as a welder, inform your Doctor before you have an MRI.
July 6th, 2006 at 2:10 pm
Metal-eating disease? Really? I thought I made this up:
http://slicedbread2.blogspot.com/2005_04_21_slicedbread2_archive.html
July 6th, 2006 at 4:42 pm
How much does a stethoscope cost?
surely more than ten bucks, even in 1954.
July 7th, 2006 at 9:10 am
This one is only five bucks, although admittedly that’s 2006 dollars. Original price: $10.
July 7th, 2006 at 9:29 am
Official Comment
My experience is that you get what you pay for in terms of stethoscopes. At the end of the day a cheap stethoscope is a cheap stethoscope. Most decent ones cost right around $100. Personally, I’ve been using a Litman Cardiology II (no longer produced) since residency, but I have a Master of Cardiology Classic as a back-up. This site seems to offer reasonable prices.
January 1st, 2007 at 7:18 pm
That knob could’ve totally turned things to his advantage in the dating scene. Just stand up, take a couple bullets which are eaten away by his disease, then gasp, “I… did it for you… Floozarina. Guh.”
Just sayin’.
March 17th, 2008 at 8:29 am
Sorry, Nate, but it’s metal-EATING disease, not metal-ABSORBING disease. While your body will happily attempt to absorb the bullets, the projectiles will already have damaged you physically. (In other words. Jimmy and Lucy are beneficiaries of Stormtrooper Aiming Deficiency in that panel.)
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