Polite Dissent

The last five questions of the “What’s Your UDQ” Quiz. The first five questions can be found here. Scoring is at the bottom of the post.

6. Your teen-age daughter has been asked to the Prom.
A. Forbid her from attending.
B. Allow her to attend, but only with a robot as a chaperone. Secretly arm the robot.
C. Allow her to attend, but set a strict curfew.
D. Secretly plant an audiovisual bug in her corsage. It also includes an alarm that is set to go off if the lights go out, another person comes within 8 inches, or her body temperature rises by more than one degree.

7. A telemarketer calls during dinner.
A. Hang up the phone (rude words are optional).
B. Invent a device that forwards all unwanted telemarketing calls to the local police station.
C. Double check to make sure that you are on the No Call list.
D. Portable and transmittable black-hole technology will make sure the telemarketer on the other end of the line never bothers anybody again, except maybe in the Negative Zone.

8. Your teen-age son gets in a minor fender bender and dents the family car.
A. Take the repair bill out of his allowance.
B. Not likely. That car is pure adamantium.
C. Do not allow him to drive again until he is 21.
D. Equip the car with a time-stasis device that freezes time around the car just before an accident is going to occur, thus preventing personal injury, vehicular damage, and any increase in the insurance premium.

9. Your experience excruciatingly bad service at a local restaurant.
A. Leave a single penny as a tip.
B. I’m too busy in the lab to eat out. Besides, protein paste is just as nourishing as any meal in a five-star restaurant.
C. Complain to the manager, flouting your “celebrity” status. Throwing a tantrum may add to the effect.
D. Construct a servo-bot out of a cigarette lighter, cell phone, and assorted condiments. When the restaurant owners see that it performs better than their human waiters, sell it to them for an exorbiant amount.

10. A rival scientist has stolen one of your inventions and claimed that he invented it.
A. Hold a press conference to denounce the theft.
B. Luckily, all your work is marked with copyright tags on the submolecular level.
C. A friendly phone call should resolve the issue, particulalry if one of your brawny assistants is there to enforce your points.
D. Encourage him to try out the stolen device, knowing that it is keyed to function only to your DNA. If anyone else uses it, they will find themselves on the wrong end of a micronization ray.

Not happy with your score? Check out these books: Raising a Family the Fantastic Way, by R. Richards; Power and Fear Through Any Means Necessary, by V. VonDoom; Everybody’s a Little Furry, by H. McCoy; and I Know Everything And With My Special Course and $19.95, You Will Too, by B. 5.